My cousin, whose brain’s existence is debatable, once said that if you didn’t have a car you were less than human. He then explained that it was not my case anyway, cos even though I had no car, I had a degree, a masters’, and that put me in a different category. Today I am close, very close to have a Phd. I still have no car. And yes, I am less than human.
My time is worth nothing. Having no car, and having money has brought me nothing but problems with Baykal, who gives me the rides. I have expected his schedule to fit mine, and that is impossible. Not only that, but now he is going through a passive aggressive stage, where he would do what I want or need, and then he will get upset with me and tell me how much I abuse him. And he may be right. I try not to abuse him, but since his passive side makes him do anything for me, I end up indirectly abusing him.
But I rarely really need a ride. I only need them when I come to work to this school in the middle of nowhere. Supposedly, is part of my co workers duties to make sure I make it here and back, but because they are selfish bitches, and they have decided I have to suffer, I get no help.
So here I am. About to either be in this school 7 hours even though I only worked 2, or get into one of the passive aggressive scenes. And of course there is another way. But it depends on someone else. Not one of the bitches… but who really knows?! She won’t help either, mostly cos she is stupid. She can’t do anything on her own, or at least nothing that demands common sense. As stupid as she is, she is still screwing me up this time.
Oh, but there is something she is teaching me right now: not to ever change my plans, no matter how unimportant they are, to help anyone. It is best to give others help, than use my head or simply change a stupid plan that won’t work out either way.
Everybody fails me. Does that mean I failed everyone?
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And let me add something evident: Don't ever depend on anyone.
It does not matter if it is for the smallest little thing, the moment you depend on someone else to do it, and if you have to do it no matter how little and small, then each time you will have to coordinate that with all the smallest little things of the other person. It will make you feel small. Fell not human, like my cousin say.
No matter how much harder that stupid thing is when you have to do it on your own, it is always worth the peace of mind.
I should know about this...
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