Promising... but don't dare get your hopes up.

The dean emailed me today. She said they would be still interested in taking me in in Spring. That's good. So I may start next Jan instead of next August. I hope I don't have to, but it is not a bad second option.

If that happens, the only thing to regret is that Baykal will be there without me. It will be like a lost semester. On the other hand, chances are that since I am absolutely broke, I will have to go to Uruguay and be broke there. That is not a bad option after all, and I can tell even though I told my mom she would have to support me, she was happy about this.

Still the visa needs to be figured out though... that will remain a pain in the ass for the next 2 months. That is the time they said it could take them write the letter. Yeah, I guess they write a letter a day. Can someone tell me what the heck does an ambassador do that he can not write this kind of letter?

Going back to the bright side...

If I go home I will have to find something to get some money. I can't just vegetate there. I could tutor students, but I am not sure about that... I mean, that depends on students wanting to be tutored, so it is never certain. I hope I can find some job to make some money... Who knows, it may work out even better than what it seems right now. A long trip home. I would even spend my birthday there... that sounds nice. And of course part of the summer there too. That sounds awesome.

The problem at work... I feel better today about them. I still think I should have came up with a better strategy, but now is it not time to "what if", it is more time to deal with it however I can.

I could avoid them and give myself an even worse name among them... Not that it matters what they think about me... Well I guess in the end it buggs me, so it matters. I won't do that though... I can't live with myself in that kind of situation either. I think I will just have to do like Jenn did, or even lie Brandon did. Do not let them be a bigger part of my life than what they need to be. Jenn and Brandon did their thing in isolation too (which shows this does not happen just to me), so I can do that. Unbelievable, but they will be my role models.

And very important: I can not, repeat: CAN NOT let them scare me.

posted by Paula at 1:53 AM


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