... and it's great!!!!!

I told you, this moment was the moment.

We won.
God, and it's so great. And let me be very honest about a second great thing: we walked on the traditionals' party heads :-P
It was about time. Finally ppl learnt from their mistakes. I was wondering how much more then have to put up with those thieves. For how long they were gonna believe their lies. Forhow long they were gonna put us throught that. But today is over.

Ppl were singin: "they are leaving, let's hope they don't come back"
Ppl has a party out there, just like I said it was gonna happen.

I am so happy, I know I don't hav enow the perfect words to describe everything here now.

Let'sjust be happy with me, and don's ask why :-D

posted by Paula at 10:09 PM


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So that pic below.... awesome ha? ;-)
It was the last meeting my party had before elections tomorrow. That street is 1.5 km long, about a mile, and there were also ppl on the crossing streets, and even passing that while building (palacio legislativo). They said there were 500.000 ppl there, and you have to know we are less than 3 millions... way less since so much ppl had to leaft the country thanks to our shitty president.
Surveys say we have more than 50%, that menas we will win tomorrow, and there will be no need of a second election, like they did last time.
I just wanted to say that. I hope tomorrow I have great news bout it :-)

posted by Paula at 5:46 PM


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This is an historical document. And a great one too ;-) I love my country on days like that :-D

posted by Paula at 5:41 PM


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My aunt Sandra. At her place, about 2 months ago :-)

posted by Paula at 5:26 PM


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I didn't post here yesterday. i got home too late and too tired. Not only my body was tired, but also my soul.
The interview went alright. I was suppose to speak english, and I think that went fine. I also asnwered some questions in spanish, and I totally think I was alright with those too. You learn to work with ppl by teaching young ones, and also by talking o the parents. So.. that was alright.
But then she told me I needed to have a bank acount that proves now I have money to take the trip and live for a week or a month (she didn't know). And no one told me about that ever. Besides, I don't have the money now that I'll spend a year from now. And even if I did, having it now doesn't mean you'll have it in the future.
Well, I write a mail to amity to get more info about it. I also told my aunt about that, and she said she'll help if I need her to, and that was so amazingly nice of her.
But I guess the best part was that I wrote Al about that. And you know, I was feeling really abed about the whole thing, like: is this worht it? Is this ever gonna work? Will it be worh then? And this morning I read what he had to say, even if I didn't ask him any of those questions, he was saying how much he apreciated I was taking this shot no matter how much trouble it was. He was saying all that kind of stuff, and then I got my answer: IT IS WORH IT.
I love you Al :-)

(But I'll post a pic of my aunt next, cos she's been really nice to me lately :-))

posted by Paula at 5:08 PM


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I'm just the same girl that used to recored that radio show about The Beatles, so later she could transcript the info into notebooks. I have... 4 of those.
Now I do different things, they might look crazy to the rest of you, but ... someone has to do them.
Now, I re-send all the mails Al had sent me from one acount to another. It looks like my acount is not really very big, and there's no way to do it, but one by one. I wanna keep those memories, so I have to do it. It's nice, he had writen me such nice mails.
Looks like despite what I might have said, or what I might feel sometimes, he had been quite vute to me most of the time. And yes, no one is perfect, and sometimes he had been better than others but.... aaaww I get to read such nice mails while re-sending them. And sometimes, I even doble check the dates, cos looks like in times I remember as hard times, he was as sweet as ussual.
I'm so in love.
And I have about 662 mails that shows :-)

posted by Paula at 10:12 PM


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posted by Paula at 6:16 PM


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I'm really tired. Today seems neverneding at school. I do't care about my morning classes, and I normally do well till the 2nd class during the afternoon... but man, when I have to bike to UTU... it kills me. Thank god is done.
Today I have to go to Montevideo for my amity meeting. I'm sooo exited about it, and kinda nervous and anxious too. I think it can only go alright, but I also have to go through the morning classes, then run home for a shower, and then run in Montevideo to get there on time. It should be alright though, tomorrow we'll see.
I also have to have some documents translated... it's about the same thing, the same program.
I might see Dánisa too, and that's always nice :-)
Well, I don't really have much to say today, or at least not rightnow. Nothing specially good or specially bad.
I just wish I wasn't this tired.

posted by Paula at 6:05 PM


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I doesn't matter how skilled the writer is.. if nothing happen in the story, then the story is worthless. Ppl is lookind for things, we are all tired of sit down and think think think. We need some action. It's so hard to find action in real life, at least what we read must give us some. I know a lot of ppl will disagree with me, but if the story is aboutnothing... we'll get so bored. We are so bored of our lifes most of the time. We want to see is possible to be out there "doing" things.

Today was a rainy day.

I think I pissed off on of the vice principals at school. She was talking to someone about stupid things (about a park, a pool, how quiet our city was), and I was standing next to her cos I needed her to go and see my class. I thought she was actually acting pretty un.educated by not asking me what I needed SINCE I WAS STANDING NEXT TO HER. So I called her name, and told her I needed her in my classroom. Then she went there, and expected to put some sort of punishment to my students, she thought that was the reason I was calling her. I guess she doesn't know yet I have absolute control of my class. So when I told her I just needed her to see my class cos I need a report for the online diploma I'm taking, she was surprised. Maybe she was just pissed she couldn't yell to my boys and girls. And she said to me: "Oh, I thought it was more serious than this, cos you told me to come while I was talking to those parents over there" with that fake smile on her face.
Well... it was important to me, I have been looking for her for 2 weeks already, and they are never there, and this happen to be my last week to do that. Oh well, I guess talking about parks is more I important than helping their stuff to improove their educational skills.
And then guess what? She didn't stay, she needed time to study the form she's suppose to fill after the class for my report. So she will just give the form to the other vice principal and make her come to my class. And that's not so bad after all, cos this other lady is way better (in a whole way), and I guess things will be even better.
Funny thing: my students were so dissapointed. And you know how young ppl can be sooo perceptivce somtimes, they just said: "why is she leaving", "Ooooooohhhh she must be sooooo bussssy, as she alllllways is" :-P And I decided not to correct them this time.

So far it hasn't been that bad anyway. A little rain on my way home. But I found a robot hug waiting for me :-D

posted by Paula at 4:29 PM


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I just can't figure everything out at once. Expecting that from me would be too much.
There are things that when I htink about it... Ijust don't know what I'll do :-(
So I don't think about it. And since those things aren't happening any time soon, and since there's absolutely nothing I cando about them... not thinking about them seems to be the smartest way to deal with them
So I think it's so unfair that someone brings those things up to me. So unfair.
You can't say "I have good news" and talk about it, and also expect me to go with it.

I don't have everything figured out, ok? And somethings I don't know how I'll deal with them, and then don't make me happy, and I don't read them as "good news". Ok?

posted by Paula at 10:19 PM


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And yes, I committed a huge sin yesterday: not saying anything about how Nacional (Club Nacional de Fútbol), beat Pañarol :-D
Oh yeah, it was beautiful :-P First half, nothing happened. Then the second half start, and they made a goal :-/ And then when we had less than 15 min left, we made 2. TWO!!!!!
So I made the promise if we wonthis classic I'd buy the T-shirt. Now I know what Santa Clause has for me this X-mas.
And iwas talking to a teacher today, she made the promise she was going to correct the 7 group tests she had last night if Nacional won, so she did.
Fútbol, such a way to move ppl! (and make teachers correct tests and spen money) :-P

And then at night... it was so nice talking to my baby (who has a Naciona yersey).
One day it's gonna be great having him next to me. Or at least close enough to make plans to have dinner together :-)

posted by Paula at 5:12 PM


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I hate how sundays I always have sth to do for the week. Truth is, I don't really do all the stuff I have to. Yesterday I promised I was going to, and I also thought I didn't really have enough time.
So today I came to the computer, thinking I could just do half the things I had, and it turned out I have just finished the computer stuff. Now I have no excuse for not correcting tests :-P
But work is never done. I still have about month and a half of classes, and then I have to go to tests. I hate that, they call me cos I'm young and new, but I'm no the teacher of any of those students. I so hate that!

But hey, I feel really good today.
I had 2 serious conversations with my love last night, and they ended differently than they used to for the last months. And he said sth really nice: how it's hard to describe what we have, but how that thing allows us to go through hard times.

I love you baby

posted by Paula at 3:13 PM


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It was not so bad. I didn't have a nice weather, but it was alright.
I wish I would have see Al half an hour ago, but my brother was at the computer, so I didn't know about the message till he was actually gone :-(

Oh well, I have been thinking about sth, but I guess I have been actually overthinking about it.

Anyway...

posted by Paula at 9:26 PM


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I'm talking about of some of my students.
I have a great relationship with all of 99% them, and I have this 4 or 5 students (out of more than 250), that really let me know they don't like me.
I think it's an age thing: I'm 26 and they are from 23 to 27.
Ant there's this specially annoying girl, 23 years old. She, as the rest of that gtoup I was talking about, thinks they already know all the math they need to know. They are going to classes though.
She comes to 1 out of 4 classes, but she always knows when we have tests. So today, I saw her comming to take her test, and I thought "who is the person that always let her know?" I was gonna make a joke to that person abut what a good friend he/she was, so I asked the annoying girl (Pia, she even has an annoying name): "who is that alwayslet you know when we have a test?". Oh wow, and then she started yelling about how she doesn't really misses classes, she didn't even let me talk, so I told her "well, you better talk to me in a proper way, cos I didn't do it other way to you", but she kept complaining for another min.
Since the test was on the second class, she got out at the end of the first, and didn't come back.
And now, since my brother is in that class too, I find out she complaint about me all the afternoon, saying she was gonna talk to the principal, cos I shouldn't have asked who tells her the dates of the tests. How fucking stupid that is?! She's not gonna talk to anyone, but I'd like to see that :-P
Of course that's happening on the same school of the fat gay principal, so I don't really expect a lot of common sense :-P
I don't know how, but someone, I don't even know who, taught me to have a lot of respect for what I do. I have a big and important responsability, and like I said, I think I do it really well.
If someone asks, that's what I'll say.

posted by Paula at 9:18 PM


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I had a great night, and today was a beautiful day.
I wish we were preparing some trip, or that at least I had a better idea of when I'll see him. Or more fair: that I didn't know I'mnot gonna see him at least till next august. But I know that's a lot to ask.
But hey! I'm doing good!
I know it's still friday, and Ihate going to work on sat, but there's such a shinny sun today... I can almost smell the beach again, and I love it! In about month and a half, I'll be done teaching. Oh yeah, I know I'll still have to go to those boring tests, and I know I'll be working there more than the actuall teachers of the students taking the test... but what the hell?! I can alwats pretend I'm sick. hey" I've seen other teachers doing it so they don't have to attend to the oral examinations!

What was I talking on the subject?
My appointments with the psycologist.

posted by Paula at 4:56 PM


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This is just one of those comments you'll totally forget unless you write them down. it just not timportant at all, but I remembered it earlier today, and thought I wanted towrite it down. We were going up on our way to the maya pyramid, and a lady said to me: "oh honey, don't you want me to carry your back pack ttill you go down. i won't move from here anyway" (she was at the middle of the way). I smiled and just said "no thanks, and thought she was being really nice. Then when i was a few steps up, I heard her say: "Oh boy, I guess it was silly of me to ask, I don't think I wold levae my stuff with some stranger". And that's the whole memory. I just wanted to write here, so not it's eternal :-)

posted by Paula at 3:57 PM


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I have nothing to say.
I had a boring day, and it made me tired anyway.
I wish I was doing sth better than being here at home.
I wish... I have too many wishes to make come true.
Do wishes come true? How? What does it take?

posted by Paula at 8:32 PM


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Well, I keep posting pics of me like I'm a model or sth :-P But I know Al likes this pic, and I like what I remember by looking at it.

posted by Paula at 11:11 PM


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Maybe I'm asking too much. And I know it's boring (it is even for me) to be always complaining about the same old thing. Let's be fair anyway: I don't ALWAYS complain. But I can't help but want some stuff. I want some atention for a change.
Maybe later I'll write that the days is bright again. And then it will be. But not right now. And I look back... and I guess the lights had gone more than a second ago.
It's another shitty day.

Luis is gonna like me today. This old classmate seems to think we are alike. We are not. I think he has self label himself as "depress". And he thinks no one can understand him, and maybe I can. But I know how dangereous the whole thing is, and I'm not falling for it. I'm not gonna rescue anyone either. My time as a hero is gone/done. If I'm gonna do sth for someone, it won't be him.
I still remember what Daniel told me once: how dangereous it was to self label. Once we put the label, then we start acting like that.
So I'm not depress, I might be just sad for moments.
It's not that ppl doesn't understand me, I might be surrounded by the wrong ppl a lot of time. But I can still feel the company of ppl that don't wait for me to talk for knowing what's in my mind.
So on.

I'm gonna wait a little or lot more. I always have hope.

posted by Paula at 5:15 PM


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I'm certain tomorrow my eyes won't hurt.

It was nice. I got 2 mails from him today. It was really nice.
It was good I didn't send any. Sometimes it seems it's impossible to avoid some sort of games and i also feel like I work on Wall Street, and I have to play with my feelings as if they were money.
It's the circumstance though, I don't blame anyone for that.
One day it will be over. And talkinga about that...

My screening was moved to next week. I was so excited about it :-( I wanted to do it tomorrow, I could barely wait till thurs. But I guess I will have to wait till the other thurs anyway.

Oh well, don't let those last words fool you: I feel quite good tonight. I'm ready to have nice dreams.

posted by Paula at 9:16 PM


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Last night I went to bed with my eyes hurting again. It didn't happen in about 3 weeks. I guess it's gonna happen from time to time. I'm trying to stay calm about it. But it's hard. It's hard when you don't know, and it's hard when you picture the worst.

posted by Paula at 2:29 PM


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Not only I'm a teacher, but I'm a MATH teacher. And I'm a good math teacher. I have a great relationship with my young students, and that shows in my classes. I'm getting great results with them, and I know you can't "save" them all, but I really see I'm really doing a good job there.

Just wanted to say that.

posted by Paula at 9:17 PM


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I'm about to leave to Montevideo.
I'll see my aunt, uncle, cousi and grandparents there. If I'm lucky, I might even see my best friend.
I guess I lose nothing. Computer is not gonna miss me.
Will someone miss me?
Nah.
I'll be back tomorrow anyway, I don't thin kI'll give ppl time to miss me.

Bye

posted by Paula at 5:19 PM


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We are having eleccions here in 2 weeks.
For the first time the left sided party is gonna win. I vote for them, and I know probably old ppl find it harder than me to picture how this is gonna be like, but I do find it even weird. It's gonna be great though, like a party.
Traditional parties are taking the horror books back to try and scare ppl, but pl is sooo tired about them, they no longer believe those stories anymore.
I'm voting tupamaros. If there's a worst word here than comunistas, that word is tupamaros :-P All this time I tryed to stay on the socialist side. But after reading about what happened during dictatorship I decided those guys deserve the chance. And also and very important, the other guys deserve to be under the power my party will have soon. We are not gonna do anything to them, of course, but that is gonna make them even more angry at themselves and feel the real shame.
Also, I have been told I'm a communist for the past... let's say 2 years. So now I'mreally am :-P
Anyway. I hope I'm not wrong about our vitory. God knows what ppl do to rremain in power. Surveis say we have 54%, and we need 50% + 1 vote so we don't go to second election. Last time that was what happened, and they got together ans screw all of us, even those who voted for them.

Oh god, I should stop now or I'm gonna write Uruguayan history by PG :-P

posted by Paula at 5:33 PM


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I feel sleepy. Is it that late? No it's not, but since he made us move our clocks one hour ahead, ppl had been feeling more tired and disoriented.

I didn't teach today. As a matter of fact, I just taught one real class this week. I think I miss it, I miss teaching students who knows what I'm talking about.
Is it so bad if I feel this other old lady teacher sucks? I feel her students are sooo unlucky. I guess they could be better almost with any other teacehr but her. Today I heard more about that, how other teachers don't want thier children to have class with her. The also reminded me how she had missed like 2 months of classes this year, and how she's not really late onthe program, which can only mean she hasn't really payed much attention to every subject she was supose to teach. Man, you have to take it seriously! Is Math we are talking about!
So... is it so bad I blame her that much?

I have to go to UTU tomorrow and see the fat principal. He had made me hate days I have to go there. I really really really have to try and find a way to teach in other school next year. I can't afford making less money, but this is unhealthy anyway.

Well, gonna stop complaining now.

I dind't see my doc today. She called to cancel. I got used to talking to her, so I'll miss it this week. But I don't depend on her, so it's gonna be just fine :-)

Wanna say Al had been really cute this past days :-D
I can only say I'm happy.

posted by Paula at 7:53 PM


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I made this one a few weeks ago, and I haven't regreted it yet :-) I made more, so soon there will be more of those here. I can't help but really like it :-D

posted by Paula at 7:50 PM


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My boyfriend sent me this. I don't wanna lose it, it might be interesting to go through some of the qustions. You search thos you like the most:

http://politics.slashdot.org/politics/04/10/13/1657237.shtml?tid=226&tid=225&tid=224&tid=11

posted by Paula at 6:27 PM


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I had a beautiful class to teach. What Ididn't know was that the students had an aweful teacher last year, and that the teacher they have this year didn't make a review.
So I had to use my time reviewing.
Then what I wanted from the class didn't really happen.
I think I did it well on the par I get to talka bout my class, so even if I feel like I could have done a uch better job, I don't lose hope.
I think it's unfair though, cos that situation wouldn't have never happend if I could have done it one of my groups.
In a few months we'll see the restuls. Till then, I'll chill out and do my job.
Oh, and one good thing to me: the other teacher had to teach this special class in one of my groups. He said they worked quite well, rasing hands, answering questions, "fylying" :-D That made me happy, they are my students, my job.

posted by Paula at 1:12 PM


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Well, and in the end things weren't as bad as I thought. Maybe I always knew it deep inside of me, and that's why I could calm myself down this past weekend.
What am I talking about? My test.
It turned out I will be working with one of my programs.
I figured out what activity I'll use, and I easily went through the whole planning. I know that was easy cos my friend Dánisa sent me her plan (she's a Literature and Spainsh teacher), and then I had this great format to star with.
I also got to work with this teacher. He was my teacher when I was in first grade. He's not that old though, but he's been teaching longer than me for sure. Interesting thing though: he was way more nervous than I was, and I think I really helped him lots. And that made me feel way more secure about my stuff.
So now I still have to finish some materials that I'll take to the class, and also gonna write down exactely some stuff I wanna say and document.
In 24 hours thhis will be more than over.
I won't know the results to this till probably next year. They like doing things really slow.

posted by Paula at 7:50 PM


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I have to send my mails to another acount from time to time. Not all of them, just Alex's. I have like 300 in each acount. When I'm doing that work, I get to read them again too.
I was re-mailing mails from last december. I found one... god sooo sweet. I was gonna post it here, but I guess that's sth he wrote, I shouldn't just publish it here. I did showed it to Ana. She said the mail was the sweetness itself.
So tonight, I might be worried about my test tomorrow, but I'm so happy too:-) So happy I forget about tomorrow.
I love him so much. And I know he loves me back.
Hope you all get to love and be loved like that. I also hope no one has to be so far away from that special person. So you all wish for us to get together soon.

posted by Paula at 10:09 PM


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This is one of my favourites: I'm next to my babe, who's wearing my team shirt, on the top of the Empire State, with the Chrysller on the background.

posted by Paula at 5:06 PM


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Tomorrow I'm not suppose to get up early cos we have a holiday.
I have told msyelf today, that it makes no sense to worry so much about things I can't control, and it worked pretty well. As it shows, I spent my day doing nothing important, and even if I gave some thoughts to the whole thing, I'm not going crazy.
We'll see what tomorrow brings. It's a fact I won't get up early, I deserve the sleep. As a matter of fact... I'm gonna leave right now.
I have already talked to my love and I feel good about .... everything.
Good night to you all.

posted by Paula at 11:55 PM


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You Are "Kiss"

posted by Paula at 9:09 PM


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You Know You're Latina When....

You can fight two struggles everyday and make it look easy. You can make a child happy on Christmas Day even if he didn`t get a damn thing. You are admired and fantasized about by men of other races and know that when you do cross over it's done out of sincerity, not a political move. You watch other women pay plastic surgeons tons of money for physical features you were already born with. You curse a man out, make him feel like crap then, make love to him the same night and make him feel like a king. You can wear the hell out of spandex You can raise a Doctor, a World Class Athlete and an A+ student in an enviroment deemed by society as dysfunctional, broken, underprivileged and disenfranchised. You can heat a whole house in the winter without any help from the gas company. You can go from the boardroom to the block and "keep it real" in both places. You put a LATINO and his non-LATINA date on pins and needles just by walking into a room. You wear big hoop earrings, 3 1/2 inch heels, and a miniskirt to work - and make it look professional. You can live below poverty level and still set fashion trends. You look 21 even though you're 31. You're proud to be latina - and you pass these jokes on to all your latina friends!

posted by Paula at 3:08 PM


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To pick up Alexander: Excuse me. I'm from the FBI (the Fine Body Investigators) and I'm going to have to ask you to assume the position.

posted by Paula at 3:02 PM


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I just made this one out of a video. I talk so much about him, it's fair to bring him here. We were at La Paloma Lighthouse, in Rocha. It was a great time. Feb 2003.

posted by Paula at 2:39 PM


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As it's obvious.

Well, I have just 1 thing.... well, 2 things on my mind, and I can't make myself think bout sth else.
I'm not so crazy though.
We'll see what the end of the day brings.

posted by Paula at 1:42 PM


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I'm just trying this thing to post pics.

posted by Paula at 1:40 PM


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I know what to talk about this time.

I hate when you do that, you know? If I say "hi" you can always say "hi" back. And even if you don't have time, it's always gonna take less energy to say "I don't have time,I have to go", than just avoid me, cos that can only bring trouble later.

But now the real thing....
I just got a call about that test I have to take. I'mnot sure what I said about it, but it doesn't matter, cos they basically changed the rules AGAIN.
Now I will probably have to teach a program I'm not working on. Pls, they might let me know the class on mon, and since it's holiday, then I hav eno idea how the hell I'm gonna find out what to prepare, cos I don't know the students, I have no idea where the rest of the teachers live, and then I don't know how I'm gonna get the info I need.

I'm worried tonight.
I have felt fine for a few days. It couldn't last longer, ha?

posted by Paula at 9:40 PM


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God, my stupid president made us change our clocks a few weeks ago. Now our bodies go around feeling is earler than it really is. Of course what is "really", no? Is "really" what out idito president says, or is "really" what the sun over us shows? Man, the old crappy man thinks he can control nature maybe? Good soon he'll be over. And then we'll probably find out how much money he robbed from us. And this time tere's a good chance we actually find that stuff out, since a left sided party has GREAT chances to win. And it's about time. I wonder what this ppl who were always in power, militars and traditional party ppl will actually do. I guess they won't really do much, but.. who knows? We all know how stupid ppl can be, specially them. And they have done things in the past... I guess it's not the right time to do those again. There are too many of us anyway.

Oh wow, I didn't come here to talk about politics, but... what did I came here to talk about?

Maybe was that I loved helping my love with is spanish studing. I hope we get to do that more. I guess if I could have access to his book, I coud really know what are his classesa about, and then I could help. But I'll do my best anyway.

posted by Paula at 4:57 PM


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I know probably all of us need vacation now.

Yesterday I spent some time talking to an old classmate I haven't since since... wow, I do't remember. It was nice to meet him in Minas. it was just a second, but long enough to exchange msn screen names :-)

And today I haven't done much, and I don't think I will.
Oh well, I did teach 7 classes. I cashed a poor pay check, and walk walk walk with my mom dowtown, thinking about all the things I'd buy if my pay check wasn't that poor :-P

Anyway, I just want summer to start, and be able to go to the beach, relax and eat fruit :-P Oh! And read too. Read novels, Lovecraft, Asimov, sth like that.

posted by Paula at 5:33 PM


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Yesterday I had to take the trip to Montevideo cos I had that meeting. Today I had the seminar, so I'm soo tired.

Tired yes, but happy.
My baby is sooo cute.

And also: you don't have to follow anyone's advice, but just take a second to listen. Sometimes those things ppl tell you work no matter how crazy they seem to you.
And then one day, you see yourself obligated to do them, and bang! you see it just was like they say.

Good night to you all. I know what I'll dream about.

posted by Paula at 11:30 PM


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Clifton: thank you for making me laugh.

Long day, not productive at all.

Had a meeeting at fulbright and the most interesting thing that happened was that my nose started bleeding. I htink it'e been 3 or 4 years since last time. And it had to be today, when I was in my serious lady costume.

There's no one online to talk, and my mails... just one really for me. Makes me remember that Andrés Calamaro song: "... solamente propaganda y una carta en el buzón.... y la carta no era mía..." ("el tiempo dirá" I think it's the name). But the this one mail was for me. From Luis. How many yeasrs and ppl since last time I saw him "again". I wrote him telling him if he had notices how we have lost eachother and always just opump into eachother in the weirdest place. This time it was a cyber place in Minas. Looks like he's just as insane as he was. Oh well, maybe be more: he told me he worked as a cop for 3 years :-P

Well, and that was the personal stuff in my mail.
Do you know what I really mean by writing that?

posted by Paula at 11:43 PM


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Sometimes it's hard to believe. Maybe most of the times we don't get to even notice it, just cos we are so focus on all the bad stuff that had happened to us. But without those things that makes us keep hope.. we would all be suicidals, no?
Sometimes I think I lost hope, but I know I didn't.
And today I am doing things so tomorrow I'm one step closer to what I want. Today is a bright day despite the cloudy sky.
Well, it's just noon, we'll see how I feel tonight.

posted by Paula at 11:39 AM


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I had a very usseless day, so I'm just gonna say this:

There was a time I used to love mind games. I used to spend so many hours trying to figured out things. And that drove me crazy. Someday it was no fun anymore, and I was just paranoid.
Sadly sometimes I still have to do it.
I don't wanna have to figure stuff out anymore. I want someone to give me 5 minutes face to face and give me all the right answers. Tell me what you know, and I'll tell you what I know.

An now one about honesty.
I know sometimes honest things that have been said to me had been hard. But I like it. And it's funny, but I don't know anyone who says he doesn't like it although few seem to be able to handle it.
After some bad experiences I made a short list of ppl I thought I could be honest with. I have had to delete some of the names there over time. Sometimes I thought it was gonna be a temporaty thing, and once some storms were over things will be back to normal again. And it was like that. Some other times I knew it was for good.

Baby, I love you. Thnaks for the time, I know you were really tired.

Good night to you all.

posted by Paula at 11:49 PM


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Late late call and chat.
Love him.
Sooo good I stayed ;-)

posted by Paula at 3:02 AM


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Today I was here.
I was about to write on the title "it is sat... and it still sucks"
Then ppl from my list showed up. Special ppl. And we started talking, and ... I'm happy. I got this from a friend I have on aim:
"AbstractCement: TTYL, it was good to see you today. you seemed happy! I like that!"
So I guess is not a crazy perception, it must be real :-)
So ppl, go and see the movie "What the bleep do we know?" and make someone happy.

Alex, I love you. It might sound like a broken record, I guess I can't find the right words anymore. I feel it pumping inside me.. I just love you.

And ppl, this is an interesting site Ana found: http://www.betavote.com
You can vote for Kerry or Bush, and also check the rates from all over the world. I checked countries that ment sth for me, and they were overwhelming. I hope it repeats there in november. Looks like the whole world wants it.

Well, I'm tired. I guess I'll be going to bed early.

Big smile for all of you :-D

posted by Paula at 8:32 PM


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Since I got up today I thought it was sat. But I still have my 10 classes day tomorrow.

Ana is going to Canada for good this month.
I'm happy for her. I am. I also think everybody gets what they want but me. I know that's not true, but the whole thing makes me feel quite sad anyway. She knows it, at least I was honest enought to tell her that. She knows I love her. She has been a great friend to me this time. I'm afraid we are losing right now what made us understand eachother so well.

I'm alone at home and it's raining. I should go to bed.

posted by Paula at 10:34 PM


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