I am leaving tomorrow for New York. I am not sure how so many stuff got behind and now I had to deal with all of it together. But it’s all pretty much done. I handled it, and I don’t have more than 2 things left of my list for tomorrow. Great.

I also went to see Shutter It was not quite what I was expecting... or maybe it was. Let me explain.

It was not as scary as The Grudge. That is the one that really freaks me out when I remember it. Even more than The Ring. Not as scary, but good anyway. Creepy per moments. And the end... I know maybe a lot of people won’t agree, but it was really good. Yes, I know that we all see it coming, but the way it is delivered.... GREATNESS! ;-) I love those last 3 min of the movie. Love them!

And it was all I was expecting, cos I knew I had to see it when divine Dawson’s Creek Pacey appeared on the trailer that I saw many weeks ago. Joshua Jackson is cute even when he is a jerk...

Mmm, that last sentence might explain some of my persona issues.

BTW, they are still there. I’m testing something though. Maybe I’ll be able to get rid of them. You know, you either cure the disease, or cut the part of the organism that is infected. Sadly I might have to get the scissors.

posted by Paula at 4:47 AM


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This is a stupid one, I am warning you.

I bought this lip gloss that I ended up loving. A better color than it seemed. A great stay. Nice and smooth, you barely feel it. I treasure it. I stopped using any other to just use this one perfect gloss.

One day it was gone.

I looked everywhere I could have possibly left it. This was too much. I was always careful with this one in particular. I looked in every purse, in every corner of the house, and I asked everyone. I spent a time convinced that I left it in the house of that friend I never visit, and that I happened to have spent a weekend at her house.

The little mirror was gone too. Another tragedy. It was an ugly small mirror. My grandma gave it to me. It was one of those things with powder that she uses, and when it was gone, she gave it to me, knowing I had a small and better mirror. Somehow this little piece of shit took the place of the other one, and now it was gone. I had evidently left them together someplace.

That thought gave me some peace. It was not that I just lost them once when I was out. You can't just lose 2 things and not notice. So it was that I left it, and someone was going to call me telling me she found them.

But now. Months went by, (seriously!) and I had to first replace the mirror, and then, had to go looking for the same color. No way I was gonna remember the stupid name this brand gave the gloss. Cos you know, they don't name them "red" or even "666" cos you know, they like to relate red to the devil. No way they will use something so simple. It will be more something like "summer passion in the Caribbean".

So I went to the same store, and no, I didn't find the same color. I bought another one, that I happen to like a lot too. I guess this is a good brand after all... expensive at least. and no, I am not telling which one. Not cos I don't want you to have it. Just because it will be free advertisement for them, and no way!

And then I went to Brandon's office.

He had it. It was there, in his small little desk. Not even in a shelf. it was in his desk as an ornament. In the middle of some other little thing that looks like a really fancy ash tray.

He had a story.

"So it was yours! One day I came to my office, and there it was: right int he middle of my desk. Nothing else there, but this, right right in the middle." He was even upset that the thing was there. And I don't know why he never asked me about it though. It's not like I am the only one going to his office, but probably the only one comfortable enough to be putting some make up there.

I know I didn't put it in the middle if his desk. I didn't put it there in the angle he was describing, seriously to take the attention of whoever was there. I probably just dropped it, and someone, probably cleaning, put it there.

He didn't have the mirror though :-(

Then I went to my Korean friends' office. I was happy, so I showed them. Seonghee had a story too.

"So it was yours!!!!" she said even more excited than I was, or with more enthusiasm than Brandon used a couple of minutes ago.

She had noticed it months ago. And she was very curious about it. So she asked. She asked more than once who was the owner of this gloss. She asked so much that Brandon, a little upset said to her: "Take it! Take it! You can take it if you want it!"

Yeah, really thankful that she didn't take it!

posted by Paula at 1:39 AM


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May I say sth?
He was kinda creepy last night.
Jokes appart.
Not only he took his game way too far, but he is just a creep/freak even in his sleeps.

Ana, if you ever read this, you will laugh.

He fell asleep. He looked gorgeous. He is a very handsome man. With is 43 years, you could never ever say that is his age. Perfect nose. Perfect skin. Perfect hair... blond but almost red... pink! Could imagine natural pink hair? That is his.

From that angle he looked great... I believe you know where I am going.

So I move up and.... EW! His other eye was half open. His mouth was half open. And he was snoring. CREEP!

So much work. So much working out. So much effort in choosing the right clothes and keeping a young image, and in his sleeps, he is.... like some experiment that went bad.

I have obviously lost any respect for him. Not because of last night. Not because of that perturbing view. Something else happened. It happened before last night. He doesn't reserve my respect nor my attention, and he is losing it.... He lost it already.

posted by Paula at 3:34 AM


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And then he comes back again, after a couple of hours, and says to me "you did it again!". And what he means is that he forgot his phone this time.

And again, I don't do anything to correct him.

I better learn to correct myself though, it's gonna pay better.

posted by Paula at 6:19 AM


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... "I forgive you". As if he had the power.

And I... I accepted that forgiveness, like if it wasn't a complete joke. Like it shouldn't be me in worst case, forgiving him. And I say in worst case, cos he deserve no forgiveness.

And then he proceeded to set conditions. "From now on..." he said, and he set new rules for the game. Or maybe they were just the old ones, it was just that someone had to say them at some point.

I really need to run away. But the legs seems to be under his control after all.

posted by Paula at 4:33 AM


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Things didn't go as planned. Well... they did at first. He came. He left. We had a plan. Then I found it.

Freud says there is nothing unintentional. That object left behind was there for a reason, despite his reaction later, when he found out I had it.

It was too much for me.

Please, it has to be enough. This is too much. Don't let me keep going with this. This is more sick than ever. It's not fun anymore. Please...

posted by Paula at 5:47 PM


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Is it today tomorrow?

For no reason I checked all my pics again. Well, not all of them, just the one from my last trip home. It occurred to me that I never "promoted" them here. So here it is: go check my pics in the right section. I have no only pics in Argentina, Soda Stereo show, and home (sweet home), but also a couple I took ever since I came back.

Slow... very slow day. Nothing to report.

Tomorrow on the other hand... tomorrow I will have something to say. But will I also have the guts to say it?

Have fun. I will.

posted by Paula at 6:06 AM


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Previous remarks.

I am writing cos I was made to.
It's more complicated than that, but let's say, I had an idea that came to me when I was in bed. i thought it was another of those lost ideas, that come when I am either in bed, or walking down the street, or even when riding a bus. Ideas that there is no way I can go and write down. But this time was different.

I went to bed at 21:30. I had been going to bed at 5:00, so today I took the chance of being a little bored, and fell asleep. About 2 hours after that, B called me, and D texted me. I fell asleep again, but another hour later, when in half dreams I was thinking in D, she texted again. And that was it. I was awake for good.

So I got up and talk to my uncle. It's 8 am there. And then to my new friend. He sent me to write.

In bed.

I have no idea why I was taken from my bed in Tempe to a bus in Montevideo. I knew exactly where I was. It was a cold morning. It was earlier than 8 am, cos I had to take a connection bus at 8:00. I am going to 3 Cruces, our biggest bus station.

I know I just said goodbye to Juan. It's one of those rare days where he goes in one direction and I go in another. So there I was, in a bright cold morning, at the bus stop, half asleep and having taken no breakfast.

The bus is always full. I am standing in the back. It's better that way. These young children are standing too. They make a lot of noise. It's morning and I want it to be quiet. Despite their school uniforms, I know they are not going to school. They just use it so they don't have to pay for the bus ride. They will go to some busy intersection in the city, where they can ask for money... or just take it if you aren't careful enough.

I realize now, in my bed, that at my 24 years old, I fear these children. I pretend I don't. And I put that face... that one my roommate in 2005 said it was my "bitchy face", to scare them away. I wonder if they knew about my disguise.

As I keep an eye on them, and pretend to be all secure, I secretly hope that I miss my connection, so I don't have to teach in Minas. Those 2 hours riding the bus won't be enough to wake me up, and I don't want to teach. I always did. I don't think I ever lost that connection. Later that year I wasn't going to need them, as Juan was part of the past, and my time in Montevideo was reduced almost to the classes I had to teach there.

But now that is not a problem. I am not happy really, but I have a purpose. I don't know why my bed in Tempe made me think of this. It was just Juan, me, and his daughter... And his music too. All that dark alternative scene. The weekends surrounded by a bunch of girls that really wanted to be me, in the backstage, pretending to be nice to the singer, observing those 2 gays to make the make up, and feeling completely intimidated by the drummer.

I could have never though of my future in AZ, and I was fine with that. I don't consider my self happy now anyway, same as I know I wasn't happy then.

Not knowing better is a blessing.

posted by Paula at 9:25 AM


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Someone told me something beautiful today.

He is a new friend, and we have bonded pretty fast. Somehow, despite of our very different backgrounds, we have some thing in common, and those brought us together.

He said:
it is always a relaxing thing for me to talk with you
i can tell you by hear
that’s the truth...

I’m happily going to bed now.

posted by Paula at 12:48 AM


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I am upset. And that is the reason why I am here. I haven't been writing much lately because I don't have the time, and nothing interesting really has happened lately... Oh well, maybe it did, but it was So interesting that I better keep it for myself... Or not. Now you'll never know.

But I am pissed tonight, cos when idiots act stupidly, i am not surprised. But when people that I consider smart and nice do it, I just can't pretend I am ok with it.

I went out with my roommate and his friend tonight. I may have my difficult days with my roommate, but he is a good guy, and in the end, he is just 25 years old... What I mean is, what was I thinking? I can't really blame him. All and all, he is a great person. He really keeps it real. Yes, he is arrogant, but he is the first one to lend a hand to whoever needs it. I have seen it, and I have taken that hand too.

His friend is the sweetest guy I have met in a long time. He is just sweet. I think I could only wich I was younger, cos this one is also a boy, not a man.

I went out tonight with them, and I had a lot of fun. But then I had an idea. One that I thought it was a good one, and now I know it wasn't. Or maybe it was, cos now I know better aboutt hose that are supposed to be my "friends".

BTW: I am a little disappointed with the meaning that word has lately around me. "Friends". Looks like around here no one really cares much about it, and use it VERY lightly. But that is a topic for another blog, I am going back to my story.

So I took the friend of my roommate to my friend's house. That way we could help her stay awake (for reasons that don't matter she had to stay awake), and we could play my game that is over her house, since we always get together there.

We played, and I had a good time. So now we are leaving. I asked her to take him home, since he actually lives close, and she was driving us all home anyway. She does. When he leaves I said, just to say sth, that I hoped she was ok with it, and she said... she wasn't.

What?

Well yeah, exactly that.

I asked why, and she gave me the stupidest excuse one could imagine. She said she didn't like his smell.

WTF?!

Let me tell you right away, that the guy doesn't smell.

According to her, the smell of lamb of my roommate and his friend was making her dizzy.

HOW STUPID IS THAT?

The worst (or maybe best) part, it's that many times people had told me they don't like to approach to my friend's office because of the smell.

WOW, people have very sensitive noses around here, don't they?

And me? I guess my nose is dead or sth. I never smell anything. And I certainly don't judge people by the smell of the stuff they eat. How retarded and sick that is?

So I am pissed, and I needed to vent.

I think their problem is a different one. I think they only like people that is giving them all the attention. I think all of them are the same. There is more to all of that, but for some reason I am so upset i better stop typing now.

posted by Paula at 8:42 AM


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