I thought I had to write a rant, but the kind it's best of some people can't never ever read. I remembered this space, and felt better about it all.

This time is about my parents. It happened with my dad today, but a few weeks ago it happened with my mother as well... and it just constantly happen.

I guess for them success equals money. not for me though. Do I want to have more money than what I have now? Of course! Specially because now I have barely the minimum to live. Maybe the only reason that even sounds like an exaggeration for me, it's because I have this partnership with Baykal, and it allows me to live so much better than someone making my money would. No, it is not like I use his money... It just just that I can spend mine without being concerned all the time about food and rent. And the times I want to spend more than normal, he does it with me, so at least w struggle together.

I am about to get my PhD (Did you all know that?), but that means nothing to my family. Like Baykal pointed out the other day, maybe school and education are not all that important to them. I don't know. I started thinking that school was important as a mean to make some money. Once I got my teaching certification, I should have been done with school for them.

Of course they have supported me all the way, but probably the masters was like a luxury, and now the doctorate just makes no sense. Probably in their eyes "why would someone want to do something like that if there is no money involved on it after having exposed yourself to years of education that could be paying you back NOW?"

Maybe I am wrong. It feels like I am right though.

And so they talked to me and I know they think I am so comfortable here. No problems with money. I can pay for my super expensive ticket each year, and buy them presents. I can send them presents for their birthdays... etc, etc, etc.

On the other hand I never get a call form them, unless they are suspicious I may have died or it is my birthday. No presents. No visits.

What I get are questions like today
- So yesterday was Black Friday, you must have spent all your money shopping.
- Not really, I didn't have any money to shop.
- (Ironically) Aw there you are crying again.

So they think that is what I do. I "cry". I have the money, but like pretending I don't.

It is really upsetting.

posted by Paula at 8:04 PM


|

---