Was it too good to be true?

Nine days ago I spent a considerable amount of time looking at apartments in Georgia. After convincing myself the salary I was offered was actually a good one, I had chosen a good one, and I had hope it was going to wait for me a couple of months I was going to get it. With that done, I started checking for furniture, but then I realized it was going to take some times to get there anyway... a month or two. So I noved into checking for mattresses. I thought no matter what, that would be the first thing I would buy. But yes, cos I am a dreamer, I also checked the prices of cars... Can you imagine? I don't even have a license yet. And I am no driver. But I was checking cars and they were almost a reality. That was 9 days ago.

On Monday last week I had bad news. My visa. Issues with it. I have told the story about my visa way too many times, so I'll synthesize here. When I renewed it last time, they added a rule to it that says before trying to changing it for an H1 visa (what I need to work), I need o go home for 2 years.

Two fucking years!

They want me to go home for two years, lose my job offer here, go unemployed in Uruguay where I not even have a room.

I have talked to anyone that I thought could help, but the truth is this case is so unusual, no one knows what to do. The embassy told me to go to the consulate. The consulate to the embassy. Some consulate told me to talk to the people in Uruguay. And another said they will be my "middle man" with the ambassador.

I feel screwed. I felt better yesterday... better than last week at least. I thought I should be able to fix this, and I would just go on graduating and moving to Georgia. But today... something really good happened, and made me think that if I lose, I will really lose a lot.

Baykal's professor offered him to go for a year to Georgia Tech. That is like 15 min away from where I plan to live. We would finally and amazingly going to live together. We both wanted. It would be just absolutely perfect if... If my visa issue did not exist.

I am worried... that is the least I can tell. I don't know why I attract this kind of problems. I know I have overcame them all before... But they are all different so it is hard to actually say there is a pattern of me saving the world...

I hope my next entry has good news. I really hope so. I hope this issue goes away. I hope I go back to plan our move to Georgia...

posted by Paula at 4:08 AM


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posted by Paula at 7:52 AM


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So apparently everybody hates me today.

Apparently all I care are my problems... But it happens to be that no one seems to want to talk about their own. So I supposed I should say I am sorry for taking the time to reach out for help. I think that if there are issues, and they need to be fixed, then how can they be fixed if we sit in our hands and do nothing about it but getting bitter and bitter.

I am really upset. But not only that, I am also really confused. Somehow everything is upside down, and every attempt I make for fixing things, apparently make things worse. Which proves the world is upside down.

I am sad. Very sad. And my hands are tied in my back.

People is so unfair sometimes...

posted by Paula at 8:28 AM


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This is going to be weird.

As much of a bitch you may think I am, this is the first time in my life that I face the situation I am into right now.

So 3 out 4 coworkers think I am like a disease, and they are doing what they can not just to avoid me, but to make my life very difficult in meetings. By saying that I guess one may think they are the unhealthy ones, but by numbers one may think I am the one doing the things wrong. And yes, there is that one person that still seems to like me...

I don't know how it started. And people now tells me not to think too much about it. I never liked the 2 americans. One of them thinks she can cry her way out of grad school, and possibly make others do her job. The other one is the quiet type... like those small dogs that come near you very quietly, and just when you can run, they bark and bite. So about them... they annoy me, but I didn't care nor I care now whether they liked me or not. It's the third person the one that bothers me...

We used to be friends. And nothing really happened. No argument. No difference. No nothing. Nothing. Just one day she started hanging out with the other 2, and then the next day she was not talking to me. None of them answer my work-related emails, and I am at the point where I think all I can do is hold my breath because I am about to be out of here anyway.

And some say they are just jealous. They saw me set my goals, and they see me being successful about them. And yes, I am being successful about the stuff I had planned for long: getting out of school with a good study and apparently even a good job. And some have told me now, they are scared I am taking their chances, I am taking what is theirs, and they don't know what to do, cos they know I deserve it anyway...

I work with them, bu from now on, I truly will just stay quiet like some of them do. No sharing my ideas, no putting work on making the grant work... nothing. I will just do the stuff I have to do to keep my back safe... cos I know they will screw me if they can. The meetings... they are hell. Things were getting worse and worse, but now they don't even care about pretending. They are bitching at me as much as they can and in front of anyone.

One may wonder that if I started this post by accepting maybe I am doing something wrong, then I should concentrate on trying to fix things. I have no idea what I did wrong though, so what to fix? I am too old too, should I really try to change myself now.

My only friend told me today: you have 6 to 8 meetings to go, and 2 class sessions with teachers. Eight observations and school, 16 field notes to write, and I am out. So I think from now on I will just mark things down in the calendar, hold my breath, and hope they just bitch and don't take it another level... A level I can't imagine, but there is always another inferno circle, right?

posted by Paula at 2:56 AM


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