... after all I met all my bf's online.

But yes, I remember I also made awesome friends through it, so... I guess we are even. Not really. Anyway.

I need to watch something like 4 hours of video of the classes we taught with those 4th graders by tomorrow. I had completely forgot about it, cos my head had been some place else.

So when I'm finally reminded by Ahyoung, who called me really upset cos she jsut can't dl the videos since they are too heavy. So make my account in this site where the files are uploaded, and then.... then nothing, of course!

The files just aren't there. Ahyoung and I went through the same page by page, and she arrives at a place with 4 links, while I only have 3. Hell if I know why. I try with a different computer, but I get the same result.

So I guess the only real result I got it's that I am sttint in front of my desk top, with the lap top on my.... lap, of course, and I am typing in this shaking, warm thing.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow at least I can talk about 3 of those 4 classes, since I was there. Ahyoung has it worse, she wasn't there for any of them. And a little bird told me (an expression from my beautiful country, where we have pretty looking bids) that we are not gonna be the only one showing there without having watched the videos.

Yeah, I also got a little bit turned off today... A little? I gotta think about it.

I keep trying to figure out what LASPAU and ASU are doing wrong about my tuition, and then it's when I have to deal with Rick Maxwell, althought I would totally change the "R" in his name for a "D". They screw things up, and then he treats me like I owe him a favor, when talking to me is his job. Asshole!

And no, tuition problem is not solved yet. The woman that I emailed didn't replay. Why am I not surprised? I will have to see her on Monday, right after that class that will be one to save for future reference :-P

But tomorrow is gonna be a great day... I hope.

I will be getting up early, and when we all know how little I like that, at least I have an exciting reason for it: I'll go with Muhsin to look for apts. It's gonna be great, it will give me a taste of what it will be like to live with him. I never had a male roommate... but my experience with roommates is very little anyway.

Then we have that meeting I talked about, and then.... .Ta ta ta taaaaaan; Air! I am very excited. I hope Matthew enjoys it, but if not.... fuck it, I know I will!

And yes, I talked to Sean last night. I told him how things are, but I don;t think he listened or understood. He hasn't called me or mailed me in the whole day, but till the moment we said goodbye he kept the plan for both of us to go to Mexico next week.... or when I am available. And yes, I kept saying that that was not gonna happen, but that's how he is, right?

So I met him, and he was just so nice. Telling me how me blowing him off made him so much more interested. Sth he should have not said anyway. And how he wants to get serious with me. And I just know it's all a big lie. And it's so big simply cos I know he is also lieing to himself. I know it.

I feel bad. Can't help it. Feel bad cos at the same time this other thing feels so good. Talked to him on the phone for I don't know how many hours, after we chat the whole day whhile he was working. And I know this is just cos we are getting to know each other. But I can't help it and like it.

And now.... I'm tired and the battery is dieing. Good Night!

posted by Paula at 1:13 AM


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I met Sean yesterday to pretty much let him know that I am not going to be available. I just couldn't do it completely. It's gonna be worse if I do it little by little, I know that. It has to be like a band aid thing, but I just couldn't do it.

I started, and then he made one of those scenes that he does, like he is a little baby, not wanting to hear me... kinda cute. And then he got so serious, and told me how much he missed me. How much he thought about me. How much he thought about "things". How things can and will change little by little with time, and how in the meantime we are having so much fun. And it's all true but...

I guess I was just not waiting for him not to let go. I thought he'd see me coming and even maybe me spare me the trouble of having to say more.

He saw me coming, but he held on to me.

And I like him, but I guess not as much now....

But I am excited about M now. I just can't help it. And he is excited about me too. I am not naive. He just can't control it and writes me over and over. Calls me over and over... for hours. It's such a nice feeling.

He is cute. And so far he seems to be mature. But of course, I can't tell yet. What I can tell though, it's that there is no way he is more immature than S anyway.

Aw, he has even googling and using Wikipedia to figure out stuff about my country, my nickname, the music I listen to... I had forgotten about that kind of things, and I actually thought I was not gonna meet another person to do it.... I was wrong, of course!

He wants my finals to be over, so I have time for him. I want my finals to be over so I can sleep. Damn I am tired... but happy... although I do have to deal with that other issue. Oh well, I guess I can do it his way and just... disappear or sth like that.

Life is good, but damn I need to sleep soon.

posted by Paula at 11:11 PM


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Yeah.

Even when a short minded american white woman is wrong and when she is correected, other blondies ran to the rescue.

Oh yeah.

A student of her said he was gonna be the first beaner to become a president. She silenced him. She didn't notice he was taking a word with bad connotations to actually give it a good one. So she just told him to shut up.

And when I call you on that, she is kinda receptive, but then there were the others. Oh no, a mexican can't say he doens't care what is the stigma, he still thinks he can be anything he wants to be (yeah, I have been listening to Innunedo lately, can you blame me?). He used a "bad word" (that is actually not so), so he has to be called on that.

Short minded.

The professor... He just wanted to avoid confrontation... And that is pretty shitty. He didn't contribute, so now he will have to hear me. I am going to his office tomorrow, cos he really disappointed me. That was what hurt the most. Not that I am really hurt anyway.

So yeah, despite all that, life is very nice.

And I get a txt by S. He just wants to make sure my life is great.. Je je. He just wants to make sure I remember he exists maybe? See how far he can go this time without me complaining. But... this time I don't care.

I have cut other people out of my life that were there with deep roots, I can most definitely get rid of anyone. And that makes me strong. Kinda cold. Oh well, I do have my fire for those who can handle it and I give them the benefit of enjoying it.

Life is great, and I am going to bed soon, with a nice smile.

Of course my date went great, what are you talking about?! ;-)

posted by Paula at 3:16 AM


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A whole bunch of things have happened, but really I don't feel like talking about any of them. I am gonna be extra lazy, and I won't even copy and paste from the other blog that I have been keeping more updated. Yeahp, that's how I feel right now: L A Z Y.

But I came here for a reason though. I am kinda happy and excited.

I have dated so much this semester... more than ever before. And yes, I have had more sex this semester than ever in my life too. Of course quantity is not quality, but hey, I have been PRETTY lucky too.

I know last time I came I complaint about ppl and how much I wanted to just get away from all of them. I kinda keep it. I just have discovered I can do it without having to take a flight to the other side of the world. A much cheaper and faster way. One that is going to give me satisfaction sooner than later. Great. I can do it. I am doing it.

But I have no cure, so tomorrow I have a date with another white older American guy. The good news is that this time he is a liberal. And yes, liberal here means no much, but he really seems to be more mature and relaxed. I met with him yesterday for coffee, and the conversation went pretty good.

Of course I think he is hot.

So I know I know, I have no cure, I can't complain later if things don't go the perfect way... But I am having a hell of a lot of fun in the middle.

It's also finals, and maybe that is why I feel so... lazy. I have had to do so much hw these past days, that I completely lost track of what day of the week I was living. I even forgot to call home this week, and when I got a call from them, I started wondering: "Is it Thurs yet? Damn no, it's like.... Friday? Hell, is not friday, it's Sat."

So now you have an idea.

I have had time to do fun things in the middle too, so it's not all bad.

Oh well, I beter go back to my stuff.

posted by Paula at 11:30 PM


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Because I felt like I could have complaint/whine too much, I decided to give this a break.. But not long enough. And if you think that I actually won't do any of those things I mention up there, you are wrong, you must really not know me.

I'm pretty tired, and I don't know how to say no. I'm tired of people, I think I said it. Tired of fake warnings, threatens, "I'm gonna tell you how things are gonna be like from now on", and the like. And it's true that even when I am (oh so!) bright :-P I can't say NO, but this time (thank god), I'm not talking about that.

My adviser wants me to do some extra work. He is not pressuring me. He just wants me to get exposed to so many good things. And I know it just doesn't make sense to say yes, cos I am tired, and I have a million things to do. I have been complaining about all this work these past days but.... Of course I said yes. It's my adviser! I just can't say no to him. But that is not it.

The truth is I can't help but getting so excited about "new" things. Just that. I like novelties :-P I want to be exposed to those things. And... God, I am used to having to fight Earth and Heaven to be able to get "things". And here, thanks to that great man, "things" just knock at my door. No wait, my adviser knocks at my door bringing the news.

Also.... Looks like it's that time of life when I get to.... teach! But of course it's not gonna be easy. This time I'll be working with elementary school children, and I'll be teaching Physics. It makes no sense, right? Do I need to say that I am a math teacher that have worked with middle grades and high school? Yeah, I didn't think I needed to remind you of that. But hey, I bet you don't remember I also worked with adults... and kindergarten. Man, i am going to complete the cirle here!

I'll be teaching this class that I should not be teaching. The idea was for an exceptionally good teacher to do it. And in case she couldn't, they found an exceptionally good substitute. No! I am not talking about myself! Come on! Give me a break! So the teacher got sick, and the substitute lost his voice. They said "who wants to do it", and as my hand raced up I told myself "what are you doing woman?!" Too late, of course.

Not only I'll be doing something new with children I don't know, but I will also be observed by my classmates. Not to mention the purpose of that class is pretty delicate itself. I can only hope I don't screw things up completely... not completely please.

So I'll be videotaped, and then... my classmates will observe ME. I won't be the focus, but man.... I am concerned. Oh well, it was either me, or one of those 2 korean girls that have no experience teaching. I think those children can be happy :-P

So that is pretty much it for the day.

Oh no, I should say last night I had a nice nice nice surprise. Thank you B, just when I think you are born and die alone, you give me hope.

And one more nice thing: Air is coming to Phx! I am so excited! I'm going. I'm going with someone or by myself. OMG, it's Air... haven't you heard you need it to live?! Cos you know how it is, even then... "sometimes all I need is the air that I breathe and to love you".... But love is over rated, chemically not different than eating big amounts of chocolates. Yeah, I copied that from The Devil's Advocate, after all I am evil, remember? And you gotta love Al Pacino in that movie.... and Keanu Rives in anything that he shows his pretty face.

I'm gone for the day!

posted by Paula at 2:45 AM


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Starting by the end.

Right now I feel that the only way I can just end this, is going home. I need time out. I just need time out from people.

Never thought I'd be the one running away, but I am really exhausted. I know what I have to do, but have no strength. So I will leave, hope that with them they forget about me and I forget about them, and then on my way back, everything will be "start brand new".

Yes, I have arrived to the conclusion that having fun is great.... but it's even better when you can actually compare it to "being serious". That is never gonna happen with Sean. He likes me, and he just won't let me go! And I know I am not running very far away from him either, so here I am, in this circle.

Brian... He just seemed too nice. Not, that is not true. He's ok, nothing special, he is a guy after all! My problem with him.... way too different interests. I know for a fact that at some point, I am gonna cruxh him down. I'm gonna say sth that will have no return. It's gonna be bad, I'll hurt him even more than he can imagine. So the hell with it! I need to get away from him too. That might be easy. I might not need a trip to the other side of the world for that.

So here I am, missing home, and seeing it as the only way I have to scape. Nut hey, I am not an idiot, I know I am not escaping them, I am escaping myself. I got all this tons of.... attention, and I guess I didn't know what do with it.

Oh well, it's not like I asked for it. It's not like I asked for this particualry persons to be around. So down there, when you read about "cutting", you know what I am talking about.

Oh, and yes, Sean is back. I knew the worse thing about our argument was that he'd be back again.

P.S.: He's wearing my hat and I am wearing his... Just in case you think we have 0 sense of fashion... We actually have -5 :-P

Another memory.... One more!

As I am sitting in my bed, reading for one of my classes tomorrow, the lack of concentration takes me back to... yes, Montevideo. But this time is different, I promise.

The sun comes through my window now, and the reading is nice, cos I am being warm up by this gentle sun, and at the same time coll down by the wind. I love it. Reading with natural light.

But the sun is going, and the amount of pages left makes me think I will need to use my... lamp. Oh yeah, very poetic. So now my head is into the practical word. I need to sit on my desk, next to my dangereous computer, and turn the lamp on.

But of course (and yes, I am in practical mode), if I do that, my neighbours will see me. So should I also close the shades?

And I'm not in Tempe/Mesa anymore. I'm in Pocitos, nice Montevideo neighborhood. I'm at my friend's Cecilia's house. I met her when I was 6. Her mom took her to my birthday. We didn't know eachother, but my birthday was some sort of even in that Maldonado neighborhood, and she wanted to go to. So Susana, the mom, took her to hour door and asked my mom if she could come.

Great memories with my deares friend of childhood. Going to the beach together, playing to the teacher and the student... and I was always the teacher, go figure! Playing with dolls, without them, climbing to trees and pretending we were from V, that alien show that was so popular. And then, when distance separated us, the letters. So many letters I wrote when I was 10 to 16.

Yes, we got to met again. And yes, it had to end. Cos people is insecure and stupid, and much rather believe a crazy lie to feed their insecurities, than think back about years of friendship.

But then again, I am in Tempe/Mesa/Montevideo. From the second floor of that apt at Carlos Berg, we sat and look to the neighbour house. The 3 of us: Cecilia, her brother Anibal (another dear friend of the past), and me. We sat there and discuss how this geeke guy crossing the street is always studying. Day and night his lamp is on, and we can see that from above. He is studying to be an arquitech, and he has no life, he is always always always reading on his desk, with his lamp on.

I think I better close my shades, I don't want the neoighbours to write about me in 10 years from now.

I tied a balloon to his pants.

Yep, I did that.

He was looking so good. He had spent time getting his outfit ready, and wanted to impress people around, maybe even me. He got it... at least with me. But of course, that was not gooe enough, he had to be charming to everyone.

So we were leaving, and he had to take care of those things one has to take care when one is leaving :-P, and I came from behing, hugged him, and made him think there was nothing I enjoyed more than his company.

In the meantime, I was tieing a red ballong to the back of his pants.

So he walked out. As proud as ever... and the red ballong was following him, coming out of his butt.

Cound't resist to lagh.

But the best part... he laughed as hard too. It's so good to be able to laugh like that.

Grab the scissors.

The hell with the clamps!

A clean cut is always much better. Oh yeah, it will hurt for a while. Aaah, but once it's cured, you won't even remember there was some blood coming nonstop for a while out of it.

You cut, and then forget it was there. Does that make me a cold person? Can everybody else do it as I have done and plan to keep doing?

I have always prefered scissors. Can't help it. It had worked so far! So getting ready to cut at once.... Getting ready to cut at two.... Gett.. CUT!

Awesome day, but I get to enjoy it from the inside. Sunny and windy. I hear the wind going through the trees, something I forgot during my year living near ASU. No trees over there, just some palm trees, that didn't remind me at all about home.

But that sound today... The sound of the wind playing with the leaves... God dman it! I wanna be home.

Today it was Montevideo. I closed my eyes for a fraction of a second, and I saw it. I was in 18 de Julio Ave. I was just in front of that new book store. The doors are high, the walls are very rustic... A nice place to go and check out books for a while.

It was also windy there... somehow it always is. It was grey, but is there a color that suits Montevideo better? I think it had rained, but it promised it will continue later.

And I was there for a fraction foa second.

I know after that all I can do is take a bus to go wherever I want to. Oh boy, I used to complain about Montevideo bus system. How little I knew. I thought it was normal that every stop was visited by different buses that could take you to 90% of the places you could possible want to go in the city. So very different than how it works here.

Oh well. Soon enough I'll be there. I am starting to get so excited about it. I know I just want to wonder on those strees by myself on a windy grey day and make another dream come true. I want to go to Tristán Narvaja on a Sunday, and maybe even discover some treasure with my granafther's help.

Oh well.

Now.... Back to reality.

posted by Paula at 10:58 PM


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.. I write.

I forgot to say it the other day, and then I thought it was even inappropriate cos it would have ruin the drama, but I got some brasilian bombones. And by bombones, or Garotos (the brand) I mean chocolates.

Chocolates like you have never tried if you are american and think those Hershey kisses are the best you have had. I grew up eating these things! Oh, they are so so good.

Here in AZ, it's hard to have access to "things" that are not mexican. And let´s say it, probably get urugayan things in general are hard to get anywhere. But my friend Gerardo lives in a different city, where he has access to things like that. And he even mentioned that he also has access to uruguaya stuff too.

And because of all that, I am lucky today, and I write with real chocolate taste in my mouth.

I don't even wanna start with the huge pile of uruguayan music (and not uruguayan) CD's that I have today too. Thanks G again!

Then last night I went to this Hookah place. It was the belly dancer's bd, so it was particularly fun. Katie was there, and it's always a party with her. OMG, we even got to dance to Suavemente by Elvis Crespo last night :-P

Sean was there too, which was weird and nice, since he just doesn't like going out late... or maybe he just can't, cos he's not a boy anyway ;-)

All and all, I had fun.... lots.

Now it's the same time of the weekend where I realize I have tons to read, and I actually have to do it NOW!

posted by Paula at 9:00 PM


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Today was not the day I wanted it to be. I hate people. No, wait, I don't, maybe that is the problem, cos this way I can't just retire to the mountains :-P

So in the morning, hot morning in AZ, I tell my friend Gerardo que I envy his rain. That I wish it was rainy and windy. That I want that at night, and that I want it crowned byt lightnings.

And I leave the house. Way too late to do all the things I wanted to. It's hot. I have this meeting that lasted more than expected. Leave campus and it's dark. It's not hot anymore. It's actually very windy. Damn, I'm freezing now. I am wearing just a summerish shirt.

Stupid shirt. It's black and says New York in golden little things. I sit on the bus on my way there, and the guy in front of me says: "nice shirt. wouldn't it be great if all that was real gold". And I smile while I can only think that the whole bus is either looking at it, and what bothers me more is where "it" is located.

On my way back another guy on the bus asks me "are you from NY?" And I remember that if you wear clothes with inscriptions, you can expect ppl reading them. At the same time... do they have to make it public? At least this one complemented me on my accent, that is far away from looking mexican.

I'm pissed. I am cold. I have had this conversation where once again I have discovered sometimes I can be so naive. I just can't believe it. You think you are on top of the world... and I guess you are till someone wakes you up. And I have just woken up and I get off the bus. And it's raining.

It rains all the freaking walk back home. Not a short one. I am soaking wet, barefoot, cos I feel safer that way.

It's rainy and windy, and in my head serious lightning are happening.

Careful with what you wish.

posted by Paula at 4:42 AM


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I spent Easter with Judy and her family. They are so nice always to me. Even her mother in law actually treats me like I'm one more of the family. This is why I never regreat what I have done with my life. This and more... always the people. You'd say "what about school?", and I'd say: that's about the people I have met there too, like my very much montioned here advisor.

So I went there on Sat, and stay the night and I could experience how the Easter Bunny is another kind of Santa Claus. Awesome people, you have it all figure out, you have celebrations and excuses to give each other presents every other month! :-P

The guys woke me up at 8:30, after not too many hours of sleep. It was fine, cos there was an egg in front of my door. A pink egg, and it seemed that was a very good sign.

I went with them to discover nothing but mountains of candy in several different baskets, and of course there was one for me too, after all, I did have the pink egg!!! So ever since we just ate candy. Candy all day. Mmmmm, nice.

We were also celebrating Jeff's birthday. Just as a reminder, he was the guy who put my furniture together. He also baked a cake for his celebration, so all I told Judy was "you are in charge of finding me a husband". I am obviously incompetent even with the bf's, so I better let her chose that other man for me :-P

One of the presents the boys got was Happy Feet. I loved it! Damn I actually did love it!

It all started with one of my favourite songs by Prince: Kiss. You can no go wrong if Prince is involved :-P Then, Sombody to Love. And if you don't just admire Queen, then you are certainly deft or sth like that.

The movie almost made me cry. I was wondering where was the "happy" in Happy Feet. Judy's house has this home theatre, so the sound is always amazong. All that said to tell you that at some point the boys, Haily and I were sitting there, and a huge sea lion came out to eat the pinguins, and the 4 of us just jump and try to hide between the pillows of the couch!

I highly recomend it. It had a good ending... obviously, and it is very enjoyable, but children and grown ups too.

Oh, and I almost forget (what a sin!), the nice easy going pinguins... they were the latinos!!!!!! Loved it!!!! And if someone wants to sent me a stuffed animal from the movie, I will appreciate :-P

Then I came home, with candy to last for days.

Today I missed being alone. But I got to go to a baseball game with Meg. We took a class together last semester, and we are taking one more this one. But more important, we are going to work together for a long time to come.

I know that "our team" was The Diamond Backs, and I liked that they were actually named after a type of snake. So they got me, and I cheered for them, and they won. I have no idea who was the other team... The Reds I think. I enjoyed it a lot too.

So far we can say this has been a very good week, ha?

posted by Paula at 4:58 AM


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So...

Bush is an idiot with so much power, is not even funny anymore. Not, wait, IT WAS NEVER FUNNY, IT WAS ACTUALLY SCARY.

I love my president. Tons and tons! The rest of my country seems to love him more each day too, even those that didn't vote for him. His popularity is growing... Gosh, wouldn't it be great a second Frente Amplio period (I always feel weird using this English grammar that I don't master).

Argentinians are crazier than no one would have ever thought about. I wanna be optimistic as someone in our government, and say that there are many Argentina's, and that not every man from that country wants to destroy the plan on Uruguay with hammers (!!!!!), but damn it's hard! After all, their president is not doing anything about it, and listen to this....

So his people has being cutting a bridge between them and my country for MONTHS! Damaging us FOR MONTHS! Mr Kirchner says there is nothing he can do about it, that they are free to do what they want (interrupting the transit among the 2 countries FOR MONTHS!). Now the other day, in another city, some TEACHERS wanted to cut a street as they were protesting fur a cut in their salaries (I believe). So Mr Kirchner sent the police and..... A teacher is dead now. How about that for free argentinians protesting and cutting bridges and streets? Oh wow, maybe there are more than one Argentina after all. In one they can cut bridges with no punishment. In the other teachers get killed if they cut a street.

Nice.

Yeah, I read La República, you can find the link in the section for that. Oh, and you have to know Spanish. Isn't it great to be bilingual?

posted by Paula at 11:14 PM


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I have had worse days than today, so I shouldn't complain... especially cos I have no clear idea of what is going on.... Although there is a recurrent thought.

But I came here to say that after longer than it should have been, I finally upgraded my pics.

I uploaded the end of Aruba, Xmas at Judy's, and Tucson/New Year with Billy and Jesse.

Yes, there was more to put, but you have seen some here anyway. The truth is though... so many things have happened, that putting pics of people that came into and left my life seemed like a waste of time and space.

Enjoy! There are some damn good shots... Especially in Tucson.

posted by Paula at 5:27 AM


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What type of person do you attract? Your Result: You attract artsy people! Those free spirited artists with great imaginations find you interesting. They are usually interesting themselves, so its not a bad thing, but they CAN be a bit wifty and choose odd goals. If you like life to always be a bit 'different' from the norm, but not too extreme in any one direction, these are the people for you. If you seek logical decision making skills and good money management, you may want to change something in the way you appear. Artsy people are fun for adventure and exploring, so, have fun! (smoking weed helps too)
You attract geeks!
You attract unstable people!
You attract Yuppies!
You attract models!
You attract rednecks!
What type of person do you attract? Quizzes for MySpace

Funny thing... even when it doesn't show here, geeks were almost tied with unstable people... Ain't that amazing? Cos we all know that is true. Hell they do this tests well :-P

posted by Paula at 1:15 AM


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Never thought I'd say that but....

... I'm kinda disgusted at men.

I had never had as much male attention in my life as I have in these past 3 months, and I am like... disgusted.

I am disgusted at them, and scared about my own self destructive taste. I seem to choose (with 100% of accuracy) those that are never going to be really into me as they are into themselves.

So I feel flattered, but... can't help it. It't like when you have to much chocolate, and then you keep loving it, but certainly can't have anymore.

Starbucks' incompetence part 2

And I am sure that over here I wrote sometime the part 1, cos this particualr one, in front of the College of Education, sucks so bad. Not only they might make you wai 15 min for a simple coffee... alright, a Pepper Mint Mocha.. not the end of the world, right? But they don't even know what they sell.

OK, if I tell you that sometimes I just can't remember one word even though I know I used it a million times, you wouldn't be so surprised, cos that is sth that happens to all of us no matter if we are using our first or second language.

I couldn't remember the word "frappaccino", but hey, it is not better than an smoothie, and Starbucks don't really sell smoothies, so if you tell them that you want the strawberry thing they do that looks like a smoothie, they should know, right? Well, this idiotic young short lady didn't. So I left, and went to the other, a few steps away, where at least they have a list with the freaking names.

I was tempted to go to the other one, and show it to her, and say: "see, this is what I wanted, I got help on the other starbucks", but did't, cos I was in a hurry.

Do you think they know I am here?

I am wondering if this is a coincidence, or maybe they are watching me.

I'm talking about the marines at ASU. I see them signing here and there, running, pretending to be important... Damn it! Are they just as present in every school or is ASU special?

And yes, I will say it again, I think that there is probably no other military unit (or whatever is the world that I should use), that has as much blood... innocent blood for that matters on its hand.

With all that said... Good Night.

posted by Paula at 2:23 AM


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OMG. I truly thought that when I was called anti semite that was it. No, I am not one. I do know that in today's society, if you say you don't like jewish food you might be called that anyway so... no worries.

But hey, last night... last night was... something else!

I was called EVIL, and a TERRORIST, although that last was a little bit too much, so he changed it to TERRORIST SUPPORTER or sth like that.

OMG!!!!!! I am all pro social justice. I am a teacher. I love my students, and I never worked in high class neighborhoods... Evil me? Damn! how can someone even say that to me even as a joke.

I am all pro peace... I hate Bush ladies and gentlemen, doesn't that make me a peace lover by nature? Well, this person actually thinks the opposite: if you love Bush, you are all for peace.

So anyway.. I am very hurt. I cared about this person, and he just put words in my mouth to even upset himself and me too. I don't think I can write anything "smart" about this, cos it's just... sad.

And a friend just told me "your views are kinda different and strong, ppl her is not used to that". And I told her: "yeah, and I think, ppl here is not used to that either".

posted by Paula at 2:02 AM


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... "Men are jerks"

What women want.... It seems it's such a complicated thing to understand, that according to that movie, a man needs to go through some sort of electrocution to be able to find it out. Not only that, but he has to have supernatural powers, not like Superman or Spiderman, but he has to actually be able to read women's thought in order to have a clue of what we want.

Funny. Funny cos at the same time men complain over and over about how we never shut up and deman from them all the time. If we demand so much, no need to mind reading powers, don't you think?

What about what men want? Oh well, no need to make a movie, cos it's kinda simple: men want to fuck woman and have no responsibilities after it. So simple, it is boring. No mystery what so ever.

Of course the thing doesn't end there. Men would do whatever it takes to get what they want the way they want it, and there's when the mind games begin. The "no responsibility" part is the tricky one. You won't believe the things they are willing to do in order to "lose" the woman in their beds.

Me? I am fucking tired of games.

Going to the second time to this blog... that is actually just another side of the same thing.... It alwasys happen to me the same way.

The minute a get freaking waxed and I feel pretty and sexy, the minute S says kaput. He "freaks out" cos he is "a freak". Do I have another signal for disaster? I do: every time I actually get some sexy lingery, sth happens to. (Oh! So I'm giving you more info than you asked for? Are you grossed? Sorry, this is my blog after all, and you were probably grossed out before). And of course, yesterday I went to Victoria Secret, so... today is not a surprised at all... Oh wait, it is always a surprised.

Why is it always a surprised? Cos with this as with other things (like politics and education) I am a dreamer, an idealist, and I don't play games. I am me. I just give myself.

Please, tell me that tonight I have a dream where tomorrow everything is great, and tell me that this dream is one of those that I later call premonitions.

And for the record, I am listening to Jarabe de Palo with Ketama: Te miro y tiemblo.

posted by Paula at 4:29 PM


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