It was a terrible night, one of the worst ever.
I was trying to get ready for it, but I dind't really count with one thing: Al's reaction.
What I wanted was us to be us, and he to keep her away, thing that I thought he was gonna do but that out of nervousness I reminded him. So pretty much I expected me to be nervous, but not him. And he was. Oh hell he was. He was so nervous that everytime he touched my hand or rub my back it was just a piece of pretending.
She? She and more than half the "women" in there were nothing but sluts. She was rubbing her ass on every piece of dick available. I guess Al's was safe cos I was there. She is a slut for good, I mean, I knew this since she was trying to get a guy that has a gf, but man, her behavoir didn't really leave much to imagination. She was chasing him putting a good girls's face and making a sad face when she asked him to put her back on his aim's list. I was there, so she didn't have much chance to play her games. And if looks would kill, she and some of her reencarnations would be death by now. She was jumping all around, and yelling, and making noise, and at least I can say Al did his best and ignored her, but.....
Once home, pretty much Al said that's not gonna happen again. He's gonna be "proper", he's not gonna avoid her (as we once agreed), and he's just gonna be "good old Al".
Did I mention the fact her away message minutes before the fucking bowling night started was how excited she was to discover a "friend" who she hadn't seen in quite some time was showing, and that was gonna be the best bowling night ever?
So yesterday was hell... at least one half of the day. He made no attemps to be close to me, and he actually did his best to keep me away. Then I don't know how, we watched a movie together, and he was cute again. We went out to John's house, met with Ave, his gf, Jason and Matt there, and it was really a great night. He was really really cute and nice. He kissed me all the time, hugged me... did exactely what I wanted him to do the other night... naturally.
Then we got home, and I made a huge mistake but that shouldn't really be consider so: I found some information that made clear the slut, the bitch, la putita barata did have interest in him. And i told him cos I thought maybe that way he would understand my feelings, and do sth about it. Very far away from that, he told me how interested now he was, and he's been phisically pulling away from me since last night. I'm here, but I'm afraid he wishes I was not. Right, when I thought things could't get worse, ha?
I hate this, I wanna be over it, but not if it's not solved. I can't believe he puts her over me, cos no matter how he tryes to disguise it, that's what he's doing. I wish he would just show me some love instead of pulling away, aren't we away enough? It's hard to believe this is happening.

posted by Paula at 11:32 AM


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So the other day, I can't even say exactely when, we had a great day. I felt really comfortable with Al. it was a good day indeed... all day long. I just remember the feeling, cos right now i can't even tell what was that we did. Let me think... Nothing special maybe? I think that is what actually made it better. Oh well, I can only tell that by night we watched "Vanilla Sky" or a more easy version of "Abre los ojos" as i like calling it.

Then yesterday I went to the gym with Carolyn to see if I could calm my back pain. The day was a littla wakard cos when i woke up Al gave me some medicine, and I took more than I should have, and then my blod preassre went to hell, and I felt dizzy all day. So at night Carolyn gave me a better pillow, and took me to the spa. it was really nice. I had a really good time there. The "Arizona room" made me laugh, but it was good. I couldn't take the steam room, but the pool and jacuzzy were great. And my back did felt better, not to mention the pllow worked perfectly too.

Now tonight we are suppose to go for sushi, we'll see how that goes.

posted by Paula at 5:33 PM


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it was a very different Xmas, and sad by the way. What can I say? I missed my family, and my mom specially.
Al was really nice and kind. I was rough on him of course, and he didn't lose patience and stayed calm.
I also had to go through a lot of family dinners (in the afternoon, cos here the concept of dinner is not chained to night), where I had to be around a lot of people that I don't know. Most of them were nice, so they made it easier. At the Fisher's the cousins were really nice, and Daar always is. Despite the fact he's republican and crazy (everybody says that), he's always nice to me. But again, the causins made it very easy.
Then yesterday, Xmas, there was a dinner here with Carolyn's family. I pretty much felt like the uncle thought he just knew it all, which I dind't care, cos I could see he definately didn't know it all. The grandma... she just speaks her mind, and I liked that. I saw she can drive Carolyn a little bit crazy, and I guess that's what moms can do sometimes anyway, so everything is normal.
The dinner yesterday was quite... unussual for me. Nothing like my Xmas dinner, and I think Al is really going to enjoy if one day he spends this holidays with us. I will only say one thing: Classic music. I did see they liked it, and that was their Xmas, so I guess everythign is alright. If one day I live here, I will probably do it differently in my house, but again, this is their house, and for me... it was a new experience.
Then yesterday night we finally did something that made me forget abou home a little. We ended Xmas at one of Al's house (Chris), and there we met some other friends, and it was really nice. I had a good time, and by the time I came back home I was really feeling good. And yes, I had a good night, finally.
Now New Year's eve promises to be even better, and even more alke what I'm use to. Despite the fact it's cold here, and there's no chance to go to the beach.
But her, I'm still doind fine. Happy to be with Al, and h oping he knows how much I love you and appreciate how patience he is with me.

posted by Paula at 2:34 PM


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Yesterday Al had a deja vu (I know the spelling is not correct,cos I even know it has an "accent mark" somewhere over there), and he is one of thosue persons that just have one of those every a couple of years. Me on the other hand... I have them all the time :-)

And today, after a 'gastroenteroscopia" (a camera down his throat to his stomach) he woke up very drnk (anestecist) taking in SPANISH! I just thought somehoe t was cute.

And since I am here....

I got an A in each of the classes I took. Now I have to keep up with it next semester, plus teach my class! It's not gonna be easy, but I think i probably said the same about just taking classes at ASU at the beginning of last semester. Let's hope I am just as right as I was then ;-)

Did I say anything aobut the day I spent with Carolyn?
I think I have spent like 3 so far :-P First she took me to her job and I helped her there. Then we went to see a movie with a friend of hers :Memoirs of a Geisha. It was good.
Yesterday she actually fixed my jeans (they were too long, as ussual), and we went groceries.
And today we took Al to that procedure, and then out to groceries again since Al had to stay home to recover.
Needless to say: she's been really nice to me.

Al and i are doing great too, and I'm happy :-) I do wish I could see my family for xmas and go to the beach... but oh well, I guess you can't have it all at once, can you?

posted by Paula at 10:46 PM


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... I'm having such a great time!

It's been really nice so far. Except for a dream I had where my advisor was asking me about what I had ready for the class I have to teach. I guess I will have to start working on that soon, otherwise it will keep haunting me.

But like I was saying.... I don't specially enjoy being here by myself, but soon Carolyn will pick me up for movies! And then by the time I'm back probably Al will be back home. And I know it's Monday, and mondays are rough on him, but I think we can work that out much better now that I'm here and I'm not just calling from AZ.

I also went to his dad's house. I don't know why I always feel so bad going there. And then.. the whole playing games thing. I can play games as long as no one is going to take my eyes out during the game. And I'm not so sure about it there. So I don't play, but of course, i take a lot of attention to myself, and I hate it. Plus, i am convincend they think I'm the dumbest person on Earth cos I don't play. Something tells me they can measure inteilgence by those stupid games.

Anyway, I guess the hard part is that we'll go there again, and it's gonna be the exact same story.

But yesterday we went to movies with Carolyn, Jim (her husband), Ave, LoriGoe (his gf), Al and me. We watched Narnia, and it was nice. They are all nice people, and I don't feel threaten (for now).
Al and I also had dinner with Carolyn and Jim, and I was even invited for movies today. So now I gotta take a shower and get ready for carolyn to pick me up.

Things are going realy good, and I'm happy.

posted by Paula at 1:07 PM


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YEY!
I'm really happy. With that said, I'll go to some details.

The flight was awful. It was shanking all the time, and it seemed way loger than it was. ven the landing took more time than normal. I guess maybe it wasn't so bad, but I never had a flight like that before, so I was extra happy to be on firm land.

The I met Al.
He was as cute as always. or should I say he was even cuter than last time? It's been great being with him so far :-) I just love him so much....

I saw the surprise he had for me. He made a video with a whole bunch of our pics... even baby pics. It was so sweet, it even brought tears to my eyes.
We also went out to see King Kong last night, and it was better than I was expecting.
Tonight we have 2 parties.
So anyway, we are having more fun than I can describe here, it's just that I like not telling somethings :-P

I saw snow! yeah, lots of it cos there was a snow storm.
The landscape is beautiful, but I can totally see the inconveniences. We even slided in the car, and turn 180 degress. We also made a snow boy, cos it wasn't big enough to be a man :-P
As ussua, ppl here gave me the welcome pretty nicely, and like I said at the beginning, I'm pretty happy to be here :-)

posted by Paula at 11:23 AM


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So....
Looks like my parents want to change the house. They just want to move the beach and be closer to my grandparents. It's not just to help them, but more to have the company. My mom can use that for sure.
But the house.... I don't know. I only know what they describe, and I should trust them more, but it doesn't sound promising. And I tell myself that my future shouldn't really consider living with them anyway, but still.... I have so many memories in my house. And if they change it now, that means that morning of july was going to be the last one I was going to see it. That is my bedroom, and I'm not gonna sleep there ever.
So they seem to be moving to a neighbourhood that I know, and I don't like. It's the one I used to study when I was in Atlántida. It's... dark and humid. Yeah, it's close to the beach, but not even that close anyway. By bike.. I'd say 10 min. Yeah, it's close, and the beaches are really nice. But now let's just talka bout the house.
It's seems like it's contructed undergroud, and it has the structure to keep going and build a normal house (on the ground). OS now there are like... 2 rooms where the normal house should be, and if they make the change, they will be living undergroud.. probably sleeping, cos I think the kitchen is upstairs.
Again, i guess I shoul just think that it's not my house anyway, and that's their life. I chose to come here after all, and I didn't ask them. So they can change houses and then live there, and that shouldn't bother me.
We'll see what happenes.

Ana, I'm going to MI on Wed. I'll be flying at 3 sth in the afternoon, but I have to be at the airport earlier than that.

Now, I will go back to study.

posted by Paula at 8:04 PM


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... please don't let me sit nex to sorority girls or cheer leaders in the library. Amen.

OMG. Do they actually know what a library is for? They were on a picnic there. And I don't even care about the mispellings on "soority", I just wanted to go over there and shower them with any of the drinks they were having. I just didn't get it: it was Friday, why in hell would you go to the library if you don't actually plan to study?! And it's finals, so please if you are going to study, be serious about it.

So today I went to the library :-P and got done half what I wanted and expected to. I finished my quota at home, and I'm tired and sleepy cos i got up early, so I think I will go to bed very soon.

I wil get up early too. I want to do a massive-laundery cos I need to get clothes ready to be packed. isn't that sth?! Days are going so fast! Man, and I also have to start getting ready for my job in january :-P

But it's important to say, that I'm happy these days. I just told myself that is time to stop compliaing about AZ, and realize despite the fact my parents, Al, some family, and my friends are away, the rest had gone really well. I hope things only get better, you know? And I guess since now I know how to sort of do that, i wil try to keep it the right way. And it's not just about ASU, it's about Al too. No arguments lately, and we had certainly found a way to talk about the problems we have (cos we are humans, and we get up moody sometime too).

So tonight, I'm tired, yes, but I'm also greatful.

posted by Paula at 1:11 AM


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Yah, I know my titles are no original, and my posts are boring. But my life is pretty much school and work today.
I'm anxious about a bunch of things. They include the class I'll be teaching next semester, but it's not just that. I have a final next tues, and I travel to Mi next wed. I will spend a month there.
So i feel like doing a whole bunch of things but those are not the things I should be doing: pretty much studying. I started today though, and it didn't seem that bad. But I remember last time same thing happened: I thugh it was a piece of cake till the night before to the test. Then I freaked out. So I'm trying to be a goos sudent this time, and this way I won't have to do anything special THAT morning.
Then I will have like a few hours to really get ready for my trip. So I guess I will have o do it thig weekend after all.
And my roommate left me. I have no idea where she went during finals! I miss her! I hope she's doing fine, if she doesn't show up tomorrow, I will have to call her and make sure she's alright.
And I want to end this post with a good note: today my friend Ana called me and gave me a really nice surprised. Thank you my friend! That was unexpected and really beautiful of you. I'm really happy to have met a person like you, so kind and considerate, not to mention so bright! Good luck in your finals, though I think you won't need any.

posted by Paula at 2:29 AM


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So I will teach a class at ASU next semester.
The students will be primary school teachers from rural areas in Mexico, so I even get to teach in spanish. I might have already wrote about it here, but I also know I tryed to say nothing about it till it was for sure. And today I was hired, so it's fur sure.
Am I scared? Very. But what's life with a little fear in it?! :-P So this is going to be a very interesting semester. Hopefully not very stressful, and knowing that I will have the money to go back home certainly makes things way better.

posted by Paula at 12:06 AM


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I last wrote here on sunday, it's just tues, but it seemes it was years ago.
I pretty much felt like shit yesterday and today, but for no reason, just hormones. Knowing what it is, makes me feel a little better if that makes sense. Having Al being so sweet makes me feel good too.

I turned it the article. Al corrected it, and then Carolyn did. I do have a lot of people around that loves me.
I sent it to my advisor just cos he asked, cos he's not he professor of that class. He read it and made some corrections, but today he approached to me and told me that he really liked it, and tha he wanted to discuss it with me tomorrow. And that... I think that's really cool, so I'm happy. Yeah yeah, I am a "professor's pet" now :-P
Myother professor got the paper on Monday. We'll see if he likes it now.

Tomorrow I have the meeting withthe woman for the assistanship, and I'm pretty convinced I'll get it. So tomorrow morning (I[m not going to work), I'm getting up early and going to review the notes my professor gave me so I start working on that too. It's hard to start, but I know my teacher side, once I start it'll be a piece of cake.

Yesterday I got a leeter from my family. I got 2 and a card. All of the signed it, and my parents, both of them wrote me. My mom's letter was nice as always, and I reallyenjoyed it a lot. And my dad's... he can be so sweet, and I'm only discovering that now. he wrote me for my bd, and now he did it again, and I really liked them both.

The good new was that Gerardo might re start high school. It seems he wants to take programming classes, so the deal was tht if he finish school, then my parents pay for the other classes. I think all of them have to commit on that. I hope he does well this time, and I will try to encourage him as much as possible from here. I also hope he finds value in having his money, and looks for a job. He was already thinking about finishing school, so maybe soon he'll also realize that a job is also a part of life. Let's just cross our fingers.

And that's it for today. Trying to make myself feel better, and not ding so bad after all.

posted by Paula at 11:54 PM


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It's 10:30 in the morning, and of course nothing have happened so I have sth to post here. But I think I have to keep up with the posts, cos the other blog is getting to the same number quickly.

I feel good right now.

Las night I finishsed the article, and even when I know I have to go over it again to make corrections, I still feel good about not having to produce anything new for it. Al is reading it right now (according to his mails), and making corrections for me. I think that's pretty sweet.

Did I say what finally happened to his robot thing? Cos I know I taked about it when it was started. Well, he had to quit. My impression was that he was the only one taking things serious, and he was the only one working his ass for it. In the end, I noticed he kind chose not to be bothered by it, and well... he chose to quit.
Once it was the reason for him not to come with me.
Things haven't worked out exactely the way I pictured when I was in Uruguay. I'm still trying to do my best. I still want to be with him full time, and not just vacation. Cos eve if it's a full month... it's vacation.

Anyway.....

We'll see what the day has for me :-)

posted by Paula at 2:30 PM


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.. to post this.
Guess where I was? I went to a Xmas dinner with a religious group. OF COURSE I didn't know that was the kind of organization giving the dinner. Nadia (and she's muslim, so we have to assume she didn't know either) invited me. Of course it wasn't the end of the world, but I did feel pretty uncomfortable. It was just... not my place. With all the erligious speaches, and all the religious singing... God this, God that.
I't s good to be back home :-P

posted by Paula at 12:52 AM


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...just for the fun of it.
That was on my birthday.

posted by Paula at 12:59 AM


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A fewhours ago I told myself: this might be me. even other freaking crazy girls like me told me to be careful with that. So I told myself to give me time and see.
And now... Things are better.
OK, so my stomach is still feeling really bad, but I finish reading for my article, and I think by sat afternoon I'll be done withthe writing, probably just checking gramma. And I guess you know that is not an easy task, but still, I'll be feeling much better then.

posted by Paula at 12:56 AM


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I hate when ppl forget me, or acts as they forgot me.
I hate being alone.
I hate feeling like I'm always bothering. Am I a bug?

posted by Paula at 9:10 PM


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