"Do you like irritating people?!"
YES! YES! I do! I dooooooooo!!!!!!

And I also subscribe to what Gerardo says: it's good to be alone.... But the problem there is you can't irritate anyone! So I think the first one prevails on the second one, and I am a very social bug.

The guy is a right catholic. I could guess it by the one he stated his opinions as if they were absolute truths. He is from Venezuela, so Chavez had to come up the conversation. Actually, it's not so much he had to come up, it was more I made it that way :-P

Oligarchs. I think I hate oligarchs. No wait, "hate" it's too much of a feeling for those. I really dislike them. That is it.

I did wanted to talk about some other things in here, but I pretty much forgot. I am tired now that I am almost a professional runner :-P

But let me tell you that today was a good day, a productive one. Didn't have to get up early (like I will tomorro), and still got a lot done. I am really happy I have that office at ASU. Still a little weird that is the same office my previous adviser had, but somehow nice anyway.

Found out that one of my brasilian friends from orkut, is going to Uruguay at the same time I am, so we will meet. We have been friends for a year, and it will be nice to meet him. His family is from Uruguay, and I know he wants to believe he is too. And I am not surprised cos... who wouldn't want to be from Uruguay?!

Love you almost all of you!

posted by Paula at 4:31 AM


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I have to say I went to a protest against war on october 27th at Tucson. They were protesting about the Irak war, I am more like a protester (or is it protestan?) against war, and if right now I have to choose one, it'd be the potential one in Iran. My poster said "get out of their countries", and I think that was pretty coherent with my position.

It was one of those things... I just felt I had to. I wanted to be a part of it. I don't care of people say that in this era protests happened in a different way if you want to really cause an effect. I don't have that power not knowledge, but I can do what I did.

It was on a Saturday, and we were walking on the side walks. So different than we would have done it at home. It would have been on a Monday, at the time the traffic is worst, and we would have been going right on the middle of the street. And I think that is a better way to do it, but I won't critizase these old people more, cos I appreciate what they were doing. And yes, there were some young fellas there, but mostly an older crowd.

As a note aside, I got sunscreen on my eye, and when this is not the first time this happened, this time I made a strong allergic reaction, and it was pretty bad. My eye creyed for hours (literally), and it got red, with blood lines crossing it. It was very disgusting. I had to buy some drops, and it is still sore.

Then at night I went to see Saw 4. I won't even put a link there, cos it was a VERY shitty movie. I knew it was gonna be like that, but I was sort of negotiation the movie I wanted to see today, so I had to go to that one. Stupid stupid movie. But I heard those who were into the other 3 (that I dind't see, and I don't see that happening ever either), said this was a good one too. So you go figure.

Today I did go to see a GOOOOOOO one: The Nightmare Before Christmas 3D. Of course I already saw it! Yes, I already saw the 3D version too, last year, on the date premiere. I had seen this movie I don't know how many times now, and I love it more and more. I just love my tall, pale, skinny Jack. As ussual, I can't describe what a genious I think Tim Burton is... With this one, he certainly won my inconditional love.

And to end the day, I was talking to my friend Luis. I love him, but he has grown so... cold when it comes to our country politics. I don't know when he changed. He said it was not his gf, but I am not so sure... Maybe I just want to blame her so I don't have to blame him. We never argue to each other though, we just argue, and that is a good thing. But I can't help it, I am sad. I am sad things look right now like one day I'll be coming back to my beloved uruguay, and he wont; be there cos he wanted a place where he could "educate his children". I don't have to say what I think about that.

Other than that... another disappointment with my friend L, who returned my email ina very angry voice. But to be honnest, I don't really care. I know I am right. Even better: I know she is wrong. Even her email is all... messed up. So... whatever, she'll come back to appologise... And if not, then it was not worth it anyway. I am as practical... pretty much most of the time.

Because my eye is still bothering me, I think it's time to end this.

posted by Paula at 1:47 AM


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I don't think I have written here ina few days.

Same old though. Not able to sleep not even when I am really tired. I am giving myself the chance to recover the healthy habits of sleeping during this weekend. If that does't happen, I am afraid I will have to see a doctor of some sort next week.

It is just unaceptable. Yesterday I got up after sleeping no more than 4 hours. I had a long day. I helped with Spanish. I went to a talk. I went to the gym, ran 2.15 miles (and when I know that might be nothing for you, I am proud since I never ran IN M Y LIFE). Went to class. And I was really tired by the end. Still when I got to bed, I just can't turn myself off.

I have been working out... well, more like running since this Monday I didn't go to the class at the gym cos I wanted to go to an Equitty class with my adviser. And today, I ran 2.30 miles. A little better than yesterday. And I see I can ran more minutes in a row. I am getting totally there.

This morning I got up and one of my friends was here, by "here" meaning "online". we talked and he was so nice, that really made me smile and go out with some hope. He remembered a night we spent together many years ago. And according to his words, I made him look terribly bad MTV videos. I was alone at home, and he kept me company. Cos let's clarify here: we just sat, talked, and watched TV that night.

And now, hearing my problems and how I can't sleep, he offered to actually watch more bad MTV videos. Of course that is not gonna happen, as I have said here before, MTV sucks now. But he said he is sure I have many things to tell, so... that is sth to look forward.

After my work meeting and my running session, I came back and found another friend online. I saw him the other day too, and it was very unique, cos I haven't talked to him in more than a year, and I haven't seen him in like about 3.

He is one of those that I know I can count on, but I don't have any contact with, so I just forget he is out there. Don't get my wrong, I can still call him "friend" cos he is really there. And it's always nice to see him.

We met in highschool, same time I met Luis. I had a crush on this one though: he just looked like Paul McCarnety! Of course he had a gf, and nothing ever happen. And my attempts to get closer, turned out to become into a good friendship for a while, till he moved to a different city.

He got married there, and has a girl and a boy. I met the girl once. He brought it to my place. Anyway... Our lifes really grew appart. But I did take Al to the hotel he worked at the time, to meet him, and we did end up staying there. Our lifes coulnd't be more diffferent.

And today he told me he often wonders if he mde a mistake by never talking to me about how he felt back then.

And I am like "WHAT?!"

It was funny. I have noticed many times before that he wanted to tell me this. And I know as creepy as it is, that he also checks the blog where I have all my pics. See, men like following my life through blogs, with more or less right to do so :-P

How scared he was back there to talk to me, and how now he will never know if I was "the one" (I know, a little melodramatic, but oh well).

So I made a joke and change subject, and he half joking half serious asked me how could I do that when he was talking to me about his secret 13 years old love.

So... I am a little schocked. Nothing changed, I think. we are still the same kind of friends, and by now, that confession really doens't make me feel anything but a little flatered. But I still thought it was worth mentioning here.

And he is in charge now (he offerered, but Daniel did to, and Daniel might beat him on doing so) to get me the ticket to go see Soda Stereo in Cordoba. So life is good, cos that is the last-last show of the tour, and it's in Argentina, so... let's say no other show will beat that one :-D So finally, after following the process of my guys gettinng together, and as like they say, in a bubble in time go touring, I know I will be a part of it. And let me tell you something else: I think it's gonna be one of the most memorable parts after all.

I'm tired now. And I have the plan to get up early tomorrow. I am going to Tucson to a protest again's war. Oh yeah! I know in a country like this, it means nothing. And in a state like this, it probably means they are going to just shut our voices breakingn our rights to protest. But oh well, you need to be able to say you were part of all this. I can see myself sayinng "I went to protest against the war, and the police made us stop". We'll see. I am taking my camera. I need new pictures... for my blog :-P

posted by Paula at 12:32 AM


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Goooood day ;-) Today was an unexpected good day.

I got up later than I wanted. Actually, I got woken up at a reasonable time by a friend. She wanted to go hikingn, but noticed I was totally aslept. So she gave me the option to either do it then, or in the afternoon. And of course I took the later.

I didn't go to the library to pick up that Auster book I wanted to read. And I didn't go to print the stuff that I need to read for the equitty class I'll be taking on Monday. I moved all that to tomorrow, so I could... slepp. I am that lame.

But I did eventually got up. And it was close to the time I had to be up to finally go hiking. I did have time to have a conversation with my mom over the phone, and that is always a good thing.

Then out we went to South Mountain.

It was a great hiking. I had never been there before, and this is my second oficial time I do this hiking thing here in AZ. We walked a fair amount following the base of the mountina, and then, up we went. So we walked a whole lot on the top of the mountain: our way back. It was really really nice. It's hard to describe. If you have been out there, up there, or up any mountain you know the feeling. The breathing this clean air, and see the whole city at your feet. Nice.

Then ono our way back home, my friend drove by a yaky/mexican community, and told me to "spot" the "right place" to find some good mexican place. I had never been around there before, so I chose onen by chance.

When we looked at the menu, I saw sth right away, and I just knew that was what I wanted, and there was no need to look any further. When I was telling my friend about my choise (milanesas), the owner said:
-You look all excited suddenly, what did you see?
-The milanesas. I don;t know about mexican milanesas, but the ones from my country are great.
-Where are you from?
-Uruguay
-Oh, I am from Argentina.
And forgetting about celulose plants and those issues, we started a conversation. he was great, so friendly, good cook... It was a GOOOOD desition to stop to eat there. He gave us to try other stuff he had, and he and his wife were really really nice.

Then when I got back home, I had a message from Damaris. All and all, we ended up with Sean and a friend of his on the movies. We saw Rendition. And I was the one pushing for it, and I am really glad I did. It was a good thriller/spionage/how-US-agencies-suck movie :-) I totally recomend it.

And I saw they are playing again The Nightmare Before Christmas 3D, so I am also trying to get someonen to go with me tomorrow. And I know I saw the original 100 times. And I know I saw the 3D edition one already but... come one! It's the Nightmare Before Christmas!n It's jack! My favourite tall, pale, skinny guy ever! I gotta go again. And I don't get anyone to go with me tomorrow, I will certainly do it next weekend.

And with that said...

Oh no wait, my roomate has just arived from his partying. He accordingn to his words, he is "half" drunk. Which as you all know, that means he is totally drunk, and he should have certainly NOT have driven here. But he is funny, confusing all his words :-P

And now yes, I am going to bed. It was a good day. I am tired rom the hiking, with a good feeling about the movie, and happy to have seen some of my friends.

P.S.:

Funny part of a not so funny movie: Some egyptian minister tells Jake Gyllenhaal: "beat your wife every morning: if you don't know why, she will. I was very confused to what this has to do with the movie at that poing, and then Gyllenhaal, with a very confused face says "I have no idea what you mean" PRICELESS.

posted by Paula at 6:52 AM


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Who was I though? I have said before that so many different lives I have had, that it's hard to know who I really am. I think the one I as for the past 2 years, ever since I came to this country. This last half a year has been rough, and I find myself always sad... Maybe not always, but I think too much, and I make myself not as happy as i could be.

So that is what I miss, the feelin of being careless. Not having to think. Not having time to think. Things were going good no matter what, although it's obvious to me now that I some of the desitions I took were wrong, and here I know why: I just wasn't thinking.

And right now, if I impose myself to be careless, then it's just frightning.

I need to learn to live with myself this way though. I know once I take that lesson, I'll graduate and this class will be over.

So I guess that is it. I need to open up to it, swallow it, and move on.

posted by Paula at 9:42 PM


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Yesterday was one of those days.... when I don't know if I did everything right and I have to be so proud of myself, or one of those that you have to ask yourself "what the fuck where you thinking?". I'll decide tomorrow, when I talk to Luis, he'll be my conscience.

First of all... the day before yesterday I talked to Sean and that was something that I guess was good since now I really don't wanna know about him. He had sold himself for sure. This woman has sold herself even cheaper, and I have nothing in common with them, so better far than close. So yesterday I put my speech togehter, which was easy, and delivered it to him.

That was good... I think.

But then I saw Matthew. He is always there during those times. It's like him and the other know when to send him here, to ease me.

I like him a lot, but this one when not worse than the other, it's just as bad. BUT, a little fun has killed anyone, right? I think he might enter to my life as another kind of Daniel. Not that anyone can really compare with him, but maybe Matthew will be there in a position close to him.

And I have to add here cos I what is the gain if this things happen and I don't take notes of them, that I am kinda bruised and bitten. Which is really strange at my age... having to hide my neck... What the heck?! I am almost 30 and he is 43! But like I said, since it happened, I better put it here, in my memory for times to come ;-)

But like I said before, this one is just as bad as the ohter. I can't let him be important... but can I play a little bit more with him before going to bed?

And then today...

A. That was my grade for the midterm that I took last Thurs.

It was not big deal... it still isn't, but it's always nice, no?

Today was a horrible day... Well, maybe not. Truth is I dind't do the things I had planned, and now I feel like and ass. Nothing important. Nothing that can't be done tomorrow... But I just wanted to get them done tomorrow.

Oh well.. at least I got that good piece of news.

And not it's 1:30 and my body feels like it's 17:00. Tomorrow I do have to get up at a reasonable time, cos I have a job meeting. So I think I will drink one of those Mojitos things I got, and see if that puts me to sleep ;-) I promise I won't make it a habit! I just really really need to cut this "going to bed at 4 am" thing.

But last night, as I was up, not able to sleep... like when I came and wrote my blog... I also read about dreams and their meanings. It's probably cheap psychology, but some of it made sense. And I am sure they probably at least read the prologue to some of Freud's books.

So it turns out dreaming with the ocean means sex. You go figure! Now everything makes sense ;-) Gosh, I do keep reading about water and mostly the ocean.

Now last night I had a dream with tons of controlled water (and "controlled" in this case is a good thing). But the wated was remarkably dirty, which is not a good thing, not in a dream, not ever. I was trying to cross this bridge, and it was really really narrow, and the water was just there like... If I fell, there was gonna be no fall, know what I mean?

And dirty water means I am confused... And I know I am. It means there are thingns I need to take care of, and I know I do.

But I didn't fall, and that is a good thing. I crossed the freaking thing, and Meg was on the other side, on a nice small blac car, and we left to who knows where.

I also checked the meaning on dreaming with aliens. DON'T LAUGH! That is my other recurring dream. Aliens invading us. And I don't remember clearly what they said about this, cos they were more into dreaming that you are an alien, and that is NOT my case. I have enough as it is. I think in the end it was something about being uneasy about the place you were, and feeling alienated :-P

Enough for today, gonna go for that Mojito.

posted by Paula at 5:55 AM


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For those that don't know, that might be many, there has been this rock festival for 5 years in Uruguay, and it's a success. It's the Pilsen Rock. It's 2 days in Durazon (go get a map please), where people get together just to enjoy music. More than 100.000 each day this year, and for those who know just a tiny little bit abut y country, knows that the number is very important.

So this year I read that they invited 2 bands from Argentina. I am not sure, they might have done it before. I coudln't help but wonder why tey had to close each day, like they are any better than any of the uruguayans. OK, I'll be realistic: they are better than some... as they are worse than some others (Vamo' arriba La Trampa noma'!!!!).

One was Bersuit sth, and the other was Catupecu Machu, or sth like that. They do speack spanish, but those names... omfg, they could be from outer space.

I never liked la Bersuit. There was sth about them... You know when you get that feeling? They are so political, so envolved, so... so called "deep"... sth was wrong for me.

It turned out this assholes got into stage in MY country, and from stage congratulate some idiotics moron argentinians that have been cutting a bridge between countries for over a year now! I probably talked about it before, it's all about a plant they wanted in their country, now it's in ours, now they have to say the plan is evil so they close the bridge causing damages to our fragile economy.

Did he think people was gonna somehow support them? THERE IS NO ENOUGH WEED IN THE WORLD YOU MORON! He got yelled down, people whistled at him, and thousands of uruguayans starter yelling "Uruguay!"

But this idiot before saluting this other "argentinians" (used as a synonym for "moron") also said sth about this whole problem being orchestrated by our governments. So he first say that, and then support a position that should be just as ilegitimate as ours if it's all fake! IDIOT! Make up your mind, you excuse of a rock artist!

If you know spanish, you can come and red here, bue let me warn you, this people writing in this blog... I am not too sure about them either. They seem to be... ashame of the reaction of our fellow urugayans, and call them way too many time nacionalistic just cos they were yelling the name of our Patria (?). Which proves anyone can have a blog (here I am, right?), and that there are morons everywhere including my little country shaped like a heart :-P

I gotta say. I am not upset at the singer, not at the writer of the blog. I am more proud of the young people at the concert, standing for what is right. That asshole maybe thought these people liked him enough to play along with him. Or maybe he thought they were really so stoned that he could make such a statement and no one was gonna react. WELL THINK AGAIN YOU IDIOT!

posted by Paula at 4:27 AM


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Which somehow I think it's a sign that I am doing better.

First of all: the mail.

I am tired of checking my mail box to find nothing. I know Muhsin gets nothing as well, but the thing is HE DOENS'T WRITE TO ANYONE EITHER!!!

So I am really upset with that. What is the deal here? I write my friends and I write my family, and I get NOTHING in return. I don't think this is fair. And you know, I can pretend it's ok about my mom and dad, and that the letter they send me once each 6 months at least makes up for something, but I can't pretend the rest is ok.

My friends in Uruguay, y girls there, they don't even answer my emails! Fuck! And I talked to them, and they pulled the card of what a horrible time and how busy they are. Well, I am just as busy, and my semester hasn't been a bed of roses.

One of them simply disappeared like 2 months ago. The other, like I said, all she does is talk about her problems. And the funny thing is that her problems are pretty much that her other friends back in Uruguay don't care about her. Well, I feel the same about her here! And I do listen to her. And then she is like "oh, you are my only real friend". Well, then do something about it not to lose that only friend you have! Cos I have news for you too: I have an idea why your friends have deserted you there.

Oh boy! I have just given myself the energy to email them an angry mail right when I'm done with this post.

Sencond thing: my roommate.

So her gf is here AGAIN. I have made jokes about start charging her rent too. I can't care less about her coming or not. She doens't bother me, but there is one thing he did that upsetted me too!

He is cooking a whole lot more cos she is here. Fine. I don't even wanna be a part of that, cos I don't wanna feel obligated back to them. I like doing my own thing.

I barely use the kitchen, simply cos I just don't cook! But since he has, then I guess all silverware, plates, cups and glasses were gone. So he loaded the dishwasher, and cleaned them. Good for you! You are the one using them all anyway.

Then this morning I get up, they are gone, and there is a note on the dishwasher saying "CLEAN". So what does that fucking mean? That you want me to download it? Hell no! You have no time cos you ar partying so much? Well I am sorry, I do have the time, but I have no desire of work for you. I don;t have to adjust to your routines! I do my fair share here, and now that you have guests, take care of them and what you and they do!

With all that said, I will go and write my emails. So I am guessing this is a TO BE CONTINUED.

posted by Paula at 1:24 AM


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I haven't been feeling well lately. I am very tired, and from not being able to sleep, I have moved to sleeping way too many hours in a row. I can't help it, I am sad. I am really sad. I have isolated myself only to discover that people around me worries, and I can't make that to them either. I have tryed it, but I am so tired. I am not sure for how long I can keep doing this. Can I go back home? I am not sure that will help. Actually, I know that won't help. My only hope is that the vacation that I have planned to spend back home help. I know I should actually be veryhappy about it, but I can only see it as a life saver. I know I should aknowledge that not everyone has the opportunity to go to the other side of the world for vacations twice a year. But then again... who knows when I'm going again. I never know. This time it worked out, but next... nothing is secure. But that is not it. I have issues around here. I hate my life right now. No matter how successful other sees it. I hate it. I am so very tired.

posted by Paula at 12:21 AM


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