Sunday went by unevenful, which is not always bad.

I watched a movie when I had to study and cook, but chilling out certainly helped me more, and I can always do those other things let's say.... today. Well, I don't think I will be cooking till Wed, but I did get up early to study. And now, I'm ready to go to the library too.

On Sat my parents called me, and that certain ly made my day. It was a surprised, and they made me really happy. Looks like they sent a letter more than a week ago with pics, so I can't wait to get it. I hope I don't have to wait longer than today.

That day was also my roommate's bd, and when she had quite some people over, I had a few drinks with them and could sleep "like a baby" :-P I hope because I got up early today, tonight it's the same. Otherwise I will seriously have to consider drinking to fall asleep :-P

Oh well, no much to say really, but I wanted to kill time.

posted by Paula at 4:33 PM


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See, when I'm hormonal and extremely bored, there's no one to talk to. But that is sth to expet. I mean, it's like one of Murphy's laws, no? But man, I don't even have anything to write about. That's what pisses off right now. Well, not try, verything piss me off right now. But God, the other night, I wanted to go to bed, and I just cound't cos so many people wanted to talk, and I had so many thing to write about. I even had to cut it and wirte the dream the next day. I compromise the integrity of the dream just cos I was so tired of typing.
And today... when I wish I was insipired to write sth... NOTHING. Nothing at all.

I'm hormonal, but that I already said it.

Al decided to move to his friends. I knew it was the best he can do, but I guess deep inside I wish he could find an even better solution: closer, cheaper and alone.
But not.
Today I found out his room can barely be called that way, cos it's just as big for the big and the dresser. He even said that the wall against which the bed will be is not a problem, cos the room is so small that won't make a difference.
Well, I will be jus a week there, I don't need to make mysefl think about summer, so I won't. I guess I might be spending more time in Uruguay maybe? Not that I want that... we'll see, like I said: too soon.

I'm very hormonal.

Al has a new phone, and when I thought about him changing numbers from one cell to another... I remembered the slut's number in his memory book. And I asked, of course. I mean, no one can blame me. The first pair idea that we learn is the strongest. So if I learn sth wrong for the first time, it will take twice as much energy (for my brain) to dis-learn it, and then learn it the right way. Well, my pair idea is like this: first time I ever payed attention to Al's cell memory book, was to see if he had her (of course he has ther, who do you think you are talking to? It's Paula, when things can go wrong, they will go wrong). And he didn't take her. Back then I didn't think it was smart to insist, cos he implyed that he had her so if she called (which I don't really think would happen), he can ignore her (?). So now when I thought about her stored hones, I thought about that other night. When I asked, he hadn't really copy any number to his new cell, and he just was like "where does this come from?", which I can undestand, cos he didn't/don't know the way brain works and how stuff have been stored in mine.
I will have time to ask again, won't I? I will be hormonal other times, I know that for sure.

Very very hormonal.

I wish I was in Uruguay. Times I spent there with Al were great with no waste. I wasn't afraid of what may happen with him at all. I was in so much contorl. I just had fun. I loved it.
He loved me... more I think. Or maybe in a way that was no way to be mistaken with sth else.

And I wish I was with my family.

I also wish Al had his own place, but I understand that takes place. It might be better this way in the end. Today he did say sth about saving money for things to do together whatever they are. I wonder if he has sth in mind. I'd love that. I'd love that he had crazy plans with me. But I don't think he does. He never has crazy plans. He only plan what he can do and in the short term. At least when it comes to us that's the way he does it. Besides, he spends all his energy in all this other things that are more... Important (?). Well, maybe not, but sometimes I don't know.

I wish it was less complicated... because in the end, my love is so simple.

posted by Paula at 2:14 AM


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Yesterday, I typed so much, that I really couldn't keep going. But I had a dream to tell. I'm afraid tht today I won't be able to make justice to it, but I gotta try anyway.
I also have to warn people, that it might not make sense at all, aren't dreams always like that? In a way I think this is even worse, I think you need a cédula de identidad, to really know what I'm talking about sometimes.
Wow, now the introduction is definately better than the dream itself.

I was a teacher in US, but the school was in Punta del Este. (I warned you!) The place was... fresh, very well iluminated. In my dreams, ussualy windows are just an open square in the wall. And the wall is white... but you know that kind of white that is almost blue like the lightning? That was the color.
Because of that light and freshness I knew I was in Punta del Este. Because I wasn't sure about the rules of the place, I knew I was in US.
We were in a hall. I was with some students. They were young, but older than the ussual. We were trying to look through that window, that was a little hight for me (what else is new?).
Ignacio Coppani was playing on the other side, yep, and argentinian singer in a US school located in Punta del Este. It was sth like... an even to gather money for sth. He was playing thre for free, and he was upset, cos no one cared. Young highschool students, they didn't care about gathering money or about this singer! I felt bad, like guilty, like I was a little ashame for the behavior of the students.
The show finished, and then people started walking away. So did I. I was with a student, or a friend maybe. I don't remember clearly the face, but I think even there I wasn't that familiar with him, though he was thre with me.
We saw Ignacio Coppani, that now turned out to be... Laura Canoura! (Uruguayan singer. Awful. She can only be prod of her song with Jaime Roos.) She was crying at the side of the street cos no one payed attention to her during the show. She was so sad and upset. It seemed like she could have been there waiting for a bus or a taxi. We approach, to talk to her and make her feel better.
Then I don't know what happened with her, but the son of a bitch (and I don't use that expression very often), that I always regret to have met in my life, showed up. I think he was surprised to see me. Sth like... he knew I had been living in US, and then now I was there, that I guess it wasn't US anymore in the dream, and he wsa curious and approach to talk to me. Despite this, my dream continued to be mostly peaceful. I don't remember what I told him, but I know I was mean to him, and then the guy with me ask who he was, and now I don't remember if I said sth like "no one" or "just an asshole".
Then I noticed it was raining, and we were all under the rain. This son of a bitch was all wet, but my friend and I were in better condition. So I just told him to walk back to the place we came from (the school?). And then we started walking up/back, and it was raining, and his backpack was really wet too.
And... and that's it.
Sorry.

posted by Paula at 1:24 AM


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So I don't really wanna write a lot about my drama everyday, but I want to be fair to Al.

He called me last night, I said that already. And then this morning I had a loving mail from him saying that next time he will try harder.
So that ment the world to me. Cos I was feeling helpless about the book we were reading. Like... If only I do it, then it won't work. But he said it, he will try harder. And I will try harder too.
I realize when I get upset I don't hear to reasons nor I remember that some ways to do things don't help me, and I should not try to do things those same ways.
So anyway... Then today, when I was teaching my class, he called, but I culdn't talk to him till I was out of it walking to the gym. And we had a very nice conversation.
So I told him that I really understood the reasons why he should go live there, with those guys. That I only hope he takes a good look at things before taking a desition, cos maybe the way he's used to things, is not the way things are handled there (cleaning things mostly). That I supporteed him, and I knew he was going to do the right thing.
So I was ready to hang up, cos I was already at the gym, and he said he wanted to say one more thing.

He told me that he sees this as a transition. Maybe the way to gainthe experience they seem to ask him in every job. SO that way he could go someplace else.... like AZ, or CA. And he said that he thinks about places where it'd be easy for me to get a job.. He said all stuff like that.

So I say. Man, when I'm upset, I think it's only me who thinks about the future together, but then I have to admit, he might be thinkinga bout it and having a much better idea of it than I do. I'm just a romantic. Just think of the small things that we'll be doing everyday. He, on the other hand, is thinkinga bout how to get there.

So... I am really happy this time. Really happy tonight.
I trully think he has to keep doing things the way he has been.

Other stories.

So yesterday I dind't really say much about that interview I had.
So I was suppose to go there, for an INTERVIEW!!! I get there and I'm taken to a dark room, where this woman has a non working computer. She looks at me and asks me "do you know anything about computers? Do you think you can help?" his is the woman that has to interview me. I'm like.. "what's going on here?" So I approached to her computer, and told her that was a DOS screen, and that I didn't really know how to go back to windows. In the end she applyed the solution the computer engineer use: she turned it off!!! (je je, it's not my joke, it's a popular one in Uruguay between my friends, who seem all to be into computers).
Then she just took me to a room with children to see how they are working. And she jsut left. So I stayed here for like 30 min. The teacher asked me what I was doing, and I told her I was there for an... interview! She said I was going to replace her, and started giving me tips and hints. I started then to feel like Alice in Wonderland.
Then I just walked around the rest of the rooms and that's how I got the idea of the chaos takin place there. At least is a chaos that is intended to be like that.
The first woman came and took me to anothe room and to talk to another teacher, who in the end leave me talking to an assitan teacher, since she had to go to the dentist. (doesn't it all sound like a dream? My dreams have more sense).
They also brought some other young woman. It was her first day as a volunteer, and since her parents were from Mexico, they just told me to speak spanish to her, so she could practice. I thought it was like a joke, but they stared at me till I said sth in spanish to this lady, who couldn't fully understand.
There was this young big black lady.... I think she hated me for some reason. I think maybe my position was gonna take some authority from her. She just looked at me in anger all the time. But at least that made sense.
No no gave me a good explanation of what my duties were going to be. Finally this was spoken to me: "you'll be sitting in a circle. The circle takes 10 min, but you can do it longer, you can take 20 min. Then you sing a song, or read a book, or you can prepare sth. You have to speak in spanish to them. It doens't matter if they don't understand. Most of them won't. If they don't understand, it's not a problem. If when they are in the cirlce they leave cos they are not interested, it doesn't matter". I was wondering... what did matter?
I then started looking for the woman, pretty sure the money wasn't gonna pay for mymental health, so I wanted to tell her I was leaving. But she was... napping, that's what the black woman told me. She also said the woman was going to be back soon. Maybe the nap was an old ppl thing? Who knows.
I waited for her and told her I'll email her my resolution. I was afraid if I tell her right there that I wasn't staying, they maybe they were going to send me to another dimention or sth.
Maybe they were in a different dimention.

...........................................................

I was a little upset about the not job opportunity. I hate to say no when I need the money. Al said not to worry about it, that I was gonna be tight, but that he was also gonna cover me.
I was stil upset, so I checked the ASU site for job for students. Looking... looking... looking... FINDING.
There's a project for young people that is interested in going back to highschool and college. They basically need Math teachers for a high school position but here in ASU. The class in only on Sat, from 10 to 16. It will demand as much job as any class I taugh in the past if I get it. I emailed my advisor (I'm Flores-dependent now), and he told me he thought I could do it, and that I was well qualified for it, and that it wsn't gonna steal all of my time to study.
I sent my resume a few min ago. Now I'll cross my fingers. It looks good.

........................................................

I know if I wsn't tired, I could have pulled off a much better post cos damn I had material. But God, I'm tired. I'm tired of typing: i saw my friend Loredana, and then Ana.
Tomorrow I'll go to the library for most of the day.That's the plan right now. Getting serious about midterms.

Hope you all have a good night, and dreams that resemblance to the inteview I had!

posted by Paula at 1:26 AM


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I'm so upset right now. Upset in the sad meaning. Yeah, in the crying meaning.
2 reasons I have this time. or maybe 3, cos I also had a pretty much shitty day today.

So Al is considering moving with a friend and "some other guy".
Umm, what do I wanna be: a guest in his mom's place, or an intruder in "his" house?
Alright, he gave me reasons why he would do that, and I totally understand them, basically: money. It's also close. So fine, I shouldn't take this like we would never have a place for us, but as a way in which he plans to save money "for everything" (his words, he explain he will cover me up in summer, so I guess that should put a big smile in my face, and also a very greatful feeling in my heart). Alright, so this doesn'e mean he doesn't care about us, and I have to respect that (I mean that one) but... does I mean I have to like it and jump up and down? I accept I live in this hole, that doens't mean I like it.
So we argue, and it's awful, but it get worse.... when he just wouldn't listen. He wound't even listen when I say I think he's right and that I understand. He just yells and hates.
So I try to talk to him, to reason with him. I remind him of the book (which I'm not following right now, cos I hate having to do it ALONE). He shits onthe book. The investment he made? I don't know, I think maybe his idea was for me to read it anf "fix myself". But of course, when I try to tell him things that he can also do, then he just... yells and hates.
So OK, I am not so undestanding and suppotive anymore... can you really blame me? I feel pretty lonely there, in that supporting and caring stage. In other words: it's too much work for me alone. I don't think it's intended to work on one side only.
One thing that really makes me sad: I really wanted to try that. And as far as it was me doing it... I think it worked. And I felt so good. Man I felt so good...
One thing that scares me: I don't wanna go back to arguing phase. But again.. am I suppose to do all the job?

2 conversation, and both of them ended the same way: he leaving. Cos, of course, he needed to cool off, and as you all know, his needs go first.

Me? I'm feeling like shit. Hands tied. Mouth covered. So fucking powerless.

It's been so long since I had to write like this, while sobbing and drying my tears ;'-( I so wanted it to keep that way.

EDIT

So I published that after sending him like 6 emails just cos I feel so frustrated.
And as soon as i publish that and decided that I have to try and give it a try to the ways J. Gray say I can take the bad feelings out, he called me to say "I love you".
With that said, I guess I should goto sleep cos being awake and doing things can be dangereous.
He must care, right? Maybe if I hadn't gone through the rollercoaster I would see it as clearly as I did it yesterday.

I also wanna say that I had to turn the working positon down. It was a crazy job with 3 to 5 year old children. Very disorganized. Chaotic enviroment. I don't think it's always like that with children, I think just "letting them do whatever they wan" is not always the best choise. I wonder what the parents think the children are doing. They are certainly not learning anything. Maybe they just keep they there while they work. I could have usde the money, but I was very afraid it was gonna consume not so much time, but indeed a lot of energy. And I need my energy for my classes, that's my priority. But it totally sucks having to say no. I will still looking for a position less "demanding".

And I missed the gym. I was in one of the conversation with Al on the phone while walking there. And I totally thought it was a good idea, and that we were gonna make out things, and then I was gonna have a great work out. But then he said sth about "insanities" in my head, and I knew I had to turn around.
I hate missing the gym. I'm going this fri no doubt about it, I'll do the kickboxking class.

Hey, I'm talking about normal-everyday life things. I must be feeling better. Man, I'm even talking about things I would do.

posted by Paula at 12:04 AM


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My baby got a job!!!
An engineering job!

I'm so happy and proud of him.

It's in MI, in a city called Troy. He's now actually looking for an apt... or house. That's what he said!

He, like all of us, is feeling a little anxious about the whole change thing, but man, it's so great. Finally he's starting another phase in his life. I think he needed it.... and I think us a couple needed that too.

I pretty much know where I'll spend my Spring and Sumer break.... Anyone knows about teaching jobs in Troy?

posted by Paula at 12:25 AM


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And this way I can at least put the other icon in my site ;-)

posted by Paula at 4:32 AM


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Thanks Ana.

posted by Paula at 4:30 AM


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I need to laugh and when the sun is out
I've got something I can laugh about
I feel good in a special way
I'm in love and it's a sunny day

Good morning people! I'm happy.

I slep well but I managed to get up at 10:30 as I wanted. I know, it's not like I'm getting up early but it's sth, no?

And Al called... twice.
And he wrote me... 3 emails.
All of the above this morning.

Now I have to find energy to get into the shower. The day is promising. Let's start it clean!

posted by Paula at 2:56 PM


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I am better.


Why doen't it feel good?

posted by Paula at 1:51 AM


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ligeiapg -- [adjective]: Smells like teen spirit 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I like this one. This is my Favourite of Nirvana's songs :-)

posted by Paula at 7:32 PM


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alexander -- [noun]: A human transformer (Robot in disguise) 'How" will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

posted by Paula at 7:31 PM


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capnal -- [noun]: A deadly strain of projectiile vomit 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

posted by Paula at 6:21 PM


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paula -- [adjective]: Pretentiously academian 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

posted by Paula at 6:17 PM


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The other day I was haveing a dream, but the kid of dream you have with your eyes open. I even posted a sticky-note to remind myself about writing it here.

Al was in a job that he can actually do from anywhere in the world. Right, I know it sounds very convenient and thus silly, but once he said that was actually an alternative. Of course right now, seeing how hard it's to get a job where he's willing to relocate and all, I can tell that other kind of job doesn't preceisely raing from the sky. But like I said, once he said it was an option, so let's keept it like that.
Since he could be anywhere in the world, we were in Uruguay. I thought maybe the arrangement was foa a year. I think maybe we could have done that once each 2 years ;-)
We were there, and I was working for CeRP, the school that I went to become a teacher. I was teaching a solving problem worshop, the most important class the last year of the degree. I have actually been thinking that even know I have the knowledge to teach that class really well. Maybe one day.... who knos.
I taught from Monday to Friday. We lived there, in Attántida, very close to the shore. Beautiful beach and really really calm. We probably didn't have to walk more than 2 min to be at the beach.
On the weekends, we could go and have lundh with my parents, cos they'd be living in Las Toscas (they actually wanna move there), and maybe sometimes we could all go and eat asado with my grandparents too.
We wouldn't need more than one car. He could drop me, and I will have to learn how to drive anyway....

Well, you can see what I dream about.
It might sound very stupid to you, but man, it all means so much to me. Having Al and my family, and my country all together.... priceless.
I love all of that.
Maybe one day.... right? Tell me that maybe one day please.

posted by Paula at 11:06 PM


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But I feel like I have to come up with sth since I haven't written anything in like 5 days.

I miss my family. The fact that I know I can't call for 15 days (it's probably fair to say that is like 10 days now), it's really sad.

I realize that midterm week sis going to be absolutely crazy, and I'm already a little worried about it. Since I have 2 classes on Tues, I have to midterms that day. Thank God I think (stress in the word think) that the class MOnday is gonna be easy on us for the midterm. It's funny, last semester I was worrying about the class this dude teaches, and now I think it's gonna be the easiest to deal with for this midterm session. So for that tues I have a kick ass test for Psychology, and a test for Algebra. My tutor always surprises us with his tests, so this time I'll be ready (is there a way to really be ready anyway?), and so I know I have to study like crazy. What's the solution so far? I have to start preparing myself from yesterday! And this week i didn't do anything. So now I feel guilty, and I think tomorrow I will have to go to the library cos I do serious reading when I go there.

About this week though.... I don't know why I couldn't sleep. I'm still not sure why. So I thought it was cos I was waking up late, but I tryed waking up earlier and it was like nothing. Al said it might be the candy I was having, and he might be right. Last night I thought maybe it was the fact that my bed was too warm, so I kicked out a blanket, and then I could sleep. Who knows what will be today. I feel pretty tired and sleepy now, but I felt that way before, and it ment nothing.

Valentine's day passed by and made me feel a little stupid. A little stupid 2 times I guess, so maybe that means just plainly stupid.
I prepared a box for Al with stuff that he likes and can eat. I added some scented oil, and a card that I made, and probably other small things. I prepared it for like 2 weeks. I'm not saying it was hard, and I had fun doing it.
I got an email. And I was sort of waiting sth more than that. When I was in Uruguay he would always do cards for me, and I always thought that was so cute. I treassure those cards as gold. He also sent me flowers when I was there. Who doesn't love that?! I know flowers are a very particualr option, so I was going for the card. I did get a card.... from his mom, which was very sweet, but it's not the same obviously.
So when I saw him late that night, I told him abut that. I thought it was gonna be better to tell him then that wait till it was resentment inside me. So I felt good about it, and he didn't get mad, he didn't think I was being stupid, which he could have, cos I know I sound so materialistic that I disguss myself.
To make the story short... he made me a card and sent it to me. It was very sweet of him, and it was like the best card he has ever done for me. He used some stuff that had some meaning for me, so... I don't know, it was awesome.
But of course, it made me feel a little bad that I made him do it for me. Cos, like he said, he doesn't really need anyone to tell him when the ocassion is special to send me something. The movie he made was really sweet... it was the sweetest thing, and he didn't do it for a particular reason. And this card is so beautiful... he's always better than I am.
I know Ana you don't agree with that ;-) and I want you to know it's just a way of speaking. No noe is better or worse here :-)

Today I got to chat with Loredana, another friend from Uruguay. A good one by the way. I never had any arguemtn with her, and she has been a very loyal friend to me. I alwayfelt like I can totally trust her. I haven't spoken with her since I came, and it was a really good thing to do. It's like a cable to Earth. It was nice, and it looks like we will be doing again soon :-)

Well, I think that's pretty much it for now.

I shoud add that Al is buying my plane tocket to MI tomorrow. What can be better than that anyway?! :-) A free ticket to sex said my friend Ana, and she's so right. I'm so happy tomorrow it will be definitive. I'll be elaving on the 9th, and getting here on the 19th. I couldn't change my shedule as I wanted, but this is such a good thing that I won't let details ruin it.

Now I'm going to bed. I'm pretty happy and somehow accomplished.

posted by Paula at 3:57 AM


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I'm slowly finishing it, and I can tell it had helped me. I really can't wait till Al finishes it too.
And the writer will be in MI en march, but too bad: I'll be leaving on Monday, and he'll be there on Friday. It could have been an interesting thing to go to.

And I finally remembered what I wanted to write about yesterday :-)

I was also thinking about my friend. She went to Spain last year pretty much in the same situation I came to US: a scholarship.
She didn't work cos her stipedn was way better than mine, and I think all she did was party and take trips. I sort of evny part of that, cos I would love taking trips. She went and see other parts of Spain, and I would certainly love to see more of US. But recently I arrived to the conclution that I will have time in US to see it all. So I hopw it is like that, cos there are many places I want to see.
I didn't talk about that anyway.
I sort of remembered that she was all the time talking about how much she had grown because she was by herslef there, living by herself, in her place, bla bla.
I know things have changed inside me, but I think we all as individuals change all the time. It'll be pretty weird if we were static. So I have changed... but I don't find the need to talk about it all the time, as if I was so much better than everybody else.
I don't know why I remembered this. It was even before talking to her yesterday.
I know I'm happy right now. And like I said, I guess I hav changed, but I don't know... I guess it's not such a big dela for me :-)

posted by Paula at 11:31 PM


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.. it's finally working!
I don't reallyhave complaints to blogger, they pretty much work well all the time.
Oh well, maybe one complaint is that like 5 hours ago I had sth to say, and now I have no idea what that was.

So I got to "help" Dánisa with some problems she's having. Check this out: she found out her bf emailing a woman that was suppose to be a friend, and it turned out they had sth in the past. And I got to read those emails... nasty.
The story sounds familiar to you? Yeah. Not the same one, but I had sth to say to her. I'm glad my problem pretty much seem to be over, but I could totally understand her feeling. How lost she felt, how... cheated (I think the word is "deceived", but I'm not sure).
So I tryed not only to be passionate but also to help her under the light of what I have been reading. When it's not alright for her to ask him to stop seeing this other woman, it is very important to let him know that everytime he does that, he will be hurting her. So I guess we'll see how much he cares for her.
I'm really disapointed of him. I thought he was different.

Other than that... pretty boring day. I should have studied more than I did, now I have a lot for tomorrow, and Sat are days that I also dedicate to cook and clean. I guess I won't clean that much. Hey! Cleaning is the one I can sacrifice out of my obligations!

Al and I are even talking about details about my next trip there. I'm so happy. I can't believe we are already talking about that! God! I am happy!
So I'll go to MI again, and maybe we'll take a trip to Chicago or maybe up north the state. It's going to be fine anyway. I'll be leaving the 9th, so that means now I have less than a month to wait. how cool is that?!
I'm excited, what can I say?

I'm trying to think if there's sth else I want to say....

Maybe (though I think it's not neccessary) I would like to add that Al is very cute and charming :-* And whenhe goes out with Matt, under the influence of alcohol, his spanish gets better, and he gets cuter ;-)
I love him.

And now I'll proceed to copythis just in case I can't publish. Thank you very much. Goobye.

posted by Paula at 5:20 AM


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posted by Paula at 3:26 AM


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Mondays and Tuesdays are the days I have classes. Today I have 2, which means 6 hours of classes one after another. But it wasn't too bad. I liked both of them, and they certainly went fast.

Al and I keep bieng in good terms... great terms, and I'm happy. Like the guy of Incubus (Wish you were here).

Oh well, I wanted to say sth here just cos I haven't been around, but now I found myself having less than expecting to say. I even think I should not publish this, but since I spent the time, here it goes....

Al: I love you with all my heart.

posted by Paula at 2:28 AM


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I think this weekend went away pretty fast.
I didn't really get a lot done... maybe cos the reading for Psychology was so long. I just ended that one, and I still have a lot to read left for other classes. So tomorrow I will make sure I have the stuff for monday done. Those readings are short, and I have to write a short paper on my method to teach. Something really elemental, I was actually thinking about how to do it, when I discussed it with him, he told me he wanted something shorted and less elaborated cos we'll go back to it. So that's not suppose to take long anyway. And if I can, I'll try to read for my other Tues class tomorrow.

I think in my last post I forgot to write about the new project my advisor got me in. He wants me to write an article for a mexican magazine for teachers. So I will, cos I can't say no to him ;-) He got me pushing myself this semester, but there's nothing wrong with it. I did tell him 2 ideas I had for an article, and he said they were good. So today I tryed to develop one of them, but I'm not totally happy with it, so I will have to see if I can improve it. Nothing wrong with it, I guess when people that actually write do it, they also do it and re-do it :-P I hope something good comes out of it. Al told me that I don't have to worry about it, cos I have experience writing articles, and it was funny, cos I dind't really remember about my time in Serrano Newspaper in Minas. Funny :-)

I decided to label my CD's, cos it's crazy and I don't know what they have. So I don't what music I was listening that took me back to Juan's porshe. I was waiting for him to come back from his job. It happened a few times. There was no one home so I waited outside. It was cold and very dark. In front of the president's house. Lot's of trees. I wasn't happy back then. I don't think I could even lie to myself about it. I was always like that, waiting in the dark. But it's so much clear now. I'm so much happier now. I'm not eve talking about Al and our relationship. I'm talkinga bout my life and what I'm doing with it. What was I thinking? Did I really want to live my life waiting for him to get better? It was a whole trip I took tonight, but the good thing is that even the feeling of being sitting there was not nice, it was great to feel that I have came so far from then to nowadays. People told me last semester that I already have thing to talk about to.. let's say my grandchildren (if I ever have them). Maybe they are right, and I never thought about it in that way.

I talked to Al several times, online and on the phone. He can be so cute sometimes. I love him so much.

I haven't felt like I'm waiting inthe dark in a long while now.

posted by Paula at 4:47 AM


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Nothing special though, just a good day.
I woke up really late, took lunch, went out to the post office. Then campus, to print what I have to read for Monday. I discovered (with amazement and happiness) that is less than expected. Came home, Al was online. Talked nicely. He left, did some online waste of time, and then started studying. It went well, and then Al connected again. Very nice talk. He left again, and I went back to study. And that's pretty much it :-)

So Al is very very very active in his serach for a job. And he's getting calls from companies and recruiters. Of course he has his heart put on tome of those options, but he's open to all of them. It will work out soon. He took the first step, soon he'll be taking the seoncond, it's the only natural thing to happen, no?
And he's been really kind. I love this. I really love this.

posted by Paula at 3:27 AM


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"... Me used to be an angry young man
Me hiding me head in the sand
You gave me the word
I finally heard
I'm doing the best that I can..."

I like The Beatles... who doesn't?!
They have a song for everyday use ;-)

I talked onthe phone with Al, and it was nice. He said sth like "... I'm sorry I'm always gone..." (talking about his job). And I could say and MENT "... Don't worry, it's ok, I understand..."
And it's all true.

Also, exciting and... sth else.
My advisor wants me to write an article for a mexican magazine for school teachers. So I never thought about it, but now I feel like I have to. It's like he's behing me with a stick making me keep going. It was not in my head, but now I'm trying to figure out what to write about. I guess without him making me do things, I woulnd't grow in a way. Let's see if this works too.

Funny thing 1: Al said "cool, and you have experience". I haven't thought about my times in the newspaper in Minas. But he's right, I do have experience.

Funny thing 2: Al also told me he was talking about my advisor to a friend of his last night.

"... I've got to admit it's getting better..."

posted by Paula at 7:24 PM


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I can't tell exactely why.

No much new to tell.
School... lots to read, but I guess I also have the time to do it, it's all about getting there and do it.
My job.. I looked into what I will teach tomorrow, and I think it will be a good class, and they might even like it more than in the past since it's more related to what they do back at their homes.
Al... I don't know. We talked, he keeps applying for jobs. I hope to talk to him later.
Money.. still don't have any. I got my pay check, but that money goes straight to the saving account. Scholarshhip hasn't arrived, and that's wrong. They are suppose to pay me the last wed of the month, and that was last a week ago. And today I had to pay the rent, I can't fix it like they do just sending a mail saying they don't know when they will pay. Though maybe I should, cos the huge hole in the wall of the bathroom is still there. And then I say "huge" I mean it. I can put my head and shoulders there, ok? So it's not like you can come and fix it that easily. I definately can't do it, and I shouldn't anyway, I didn't do it, I wasn't even here. Have I complaint aboug it to the manager? OF COURSE But I start to think I will have to do it more and louder.

I miss home. I wanna eat my mom's food. I wanna walk on Mina's street, god, not even Montevideo, now I crave for Minas. I have been thinking about that. I guess it start by thinking all the things I wanna do when I'm ther ein may, and then suddenly I'm just plainly missing home.

Maybe that's it.

posted by Paula at 6:16 PM


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