well, here's an interesting pic. My friends said it has some Mona Lisas's air. The funny thing is.. I thought the same when I first saw it :-P

posted by Paula at 2:53 PM


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Hey, I got back from the beach. I had 4 gret days there, and I'm so glad I went.
I can honestly say that this Jan was fantastic.

I saw my old friend Luis, and it was really great. I can't really make numbers and fairly say how many years passed since last time we taked, but let's say..... 11. Man! That'a like a life. And we talked about the millions things in our minds. Maybe not so much about what "happened", cos we are not that kind of ppl. We talked about what's going on inside us in a way. Of course we took time to talked about a few "facts", but ti was nice to just "chat" in person. We did that for about 6 hours, and without looking at the watch he said sth like "when you have a smart converstaion you don't notice time". And then later, when he saw the time it was, he added to that. Those are great complements, and I was happy to hear them. What I didn't say, and he didn't say, but we both probably thought, was tghat ina way, those 11 years didn't pass. That makes me happy. Makes me think no matter how screwd thigns turn somtimes, I have been hable to make friends. I lost themt oo, but I'm able to take them back, how cool is that?

Back home.... Al got his CD's and that makes me happy. I was afraid I was gonna have to fight with the post office ppl. And I knew it was gonna be a lost fight anyway.
He saw a cool movie filmed in Uruguay. I've seen it like 5 times. I don't remember the real name, but Al said "El último tren". I don't think that's it, cos that's a Jaime Roos line, and I would recognise it :-p Gastón Pauls works there, and Federico Lupi, both of them are great!!! Specialy in tha movie.
I also got a mail from amity. They need me to make some stuff clear, and looks like they want to interview me over the ohone. Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, that makes me nervous. But I guess I can do it! :-P

Well, we'll see what brings tomorrow.

posted by Paula at 1:38 AM


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Well, here I am.
It's a little late, but it's still vacation time.
I'm leaving tomorrow for the beach. That's good, my skin is losing the tan :-P
I haven't been worrying the last weeks, so I took the desition not to come back to the psychologyst till later. I said probably march, but we'll see about that. I know no problem was resulved, but at leat I took a good look at them. And after all, she won't solve them for me, I guess I needed her help to see them cleraly. I did that. I also know she can do a little more, but I can try. Besides, I'm not saying I'm quitting, I'm just taking a break. Oh well, I'm sure I won't come back there in feb, like I said.
And I talked about that with Al, he's like my concience sometimes, and he was alright with that. I know he always said I should just go and try, so I guess even if I had told him that I wasn't comming back at all, he would have supported me.
Well, leaving for now. Probably we'll be back here after sat :-) and I'll be more tanned :-D

posted by Paula at 1:59 AM


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Well, I say that cos my baby is soooooo cute to me. Cute in every way possible.

I had no compute the last days cos a virus took it over, and nothing worked. So I had to take it to a man, he "fixed" it, chanrged me, and now is back home, slower than ever, but working. The guy didn't really do much, he formated the disk, and then install a few things. I had to pay for that :-/ But oh well, at least now I can talk to my baby and friends again.

My friend Sergio is kinda screwd up now. He was always this sarcastic guy that said nothing was strongr than him, and that he could do whatever he wanted. Now his 10 year gf dumped him, and now he's a mess. I really didn't expect him to act like that. He was never really kind to her, and he took her for granted I guess. They are both weird ppl, and now he's suffering like I didn't expect him to. It makes me feel sad for him.
He's this weird person that is always picking a fight with me, but that also shows some kind of care for me.

But like I said, the best thing ever is to know that Al is also waiting to see me and longs for it like I do :-D That is like a gift for me. Yeah, I know it happens all the time, but heraing it makes it special

Hope you all have a nice night, I will!! :-D

posted by Paula at 11:21 PM


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Earlier today I wrote a long post about a conversation I had last night with Al.
He was really nice to me. I was remembering lots of stuff since we met about him. I saw him grow, and I feel like I was left behind. i told him how sometimes it looks to me like we switched places.
But he was great and took everyword and transformed it in sth positive for me. He said that to grow we have to go through momoents were we canonly think about what's going on in order to figure it out. He said that's my point right now. And man, it can be such a pain in the ass.
Yes, I know none of us discovered anything last night, but it was nice to hear it from him
Great communication between us this year :-)

And now I came to talk about my fmily again.
Tonight I noticed how it affects me when my mom preachs on my brother. How it affects me that my father seems to blame Gerado and mom for whatever the former does.
He comes to the room and says sth to her like he's punishing her. But if he wants to punish someone, maybe it would be my brother. Although to be honest, they should pusnish himslef.
I know sometimes I'm so mad at Gerardo too. God, he does everything wrong, but this is what I see: I see they let him do whatever he wanted. They gave him things he didn't deserve. They didn't put limits.
And what's going on now? They wanted to see results, but there was nithing to be seen. So now they are angry. And they keep yelling at him.
He? I bet he's really confused. One day everything is perfect, and now they are all demands. Yes, my brother is an asshole too, he does nothing to complete anyof those demands, but I can tell he's confused.
So tonight my mom starte preaching again, and I felt my stomach twist. I told myself to blobk it, and I thin kI did it. I can't forget about this, cos I will have to do it again. I saw then that I really have to leave.
It's so complicated. I have to leave, but the place I wanna go to is complicated enough to keep me here. I know what I want, and I have to be smart and strong enough to face those unplesant things and do my life best I can. So that's my goal for now on, or it's one of them. I'll live my life here trying not to ger emotionally affected by their problems.
It kinda sucks to put it down to words, but at the same time, it's a good way to keep it present. I think this has to help in the future.

posted by Paula at 11:58 PM


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Well, I had a really good night last night. My babe was so cute to me after these days away.
He's doing great at school and work. We talked about how I have seen him grow so much since the day I ment him. It was also funny to discover that I thought he was a naive guy, and he so wasn't :-P Oh well, seeing him grow sometimes makes me feel older.
I have also felt like we have exchanged sites... like I was back then "wiser" than I am now :-P But he said a bunch of things that made sense: we are always changind and figuring out stuff. Sometimes it gets really complicated, and like it's happening to me now (or the last months, cos I'm feeling so much better now), we feel like nothing makes sense around, and I went crazy over that.
He talked to me from his calm point of view, and made me feel better, like he always does :-D

posted by Paula at 3:11 PM


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I just got back from my grands' place. I had fun. Look more tanned, and I'm done with toefl.
Al is right when he said onces it looked like it was gonna take forever and now it's done. I won't get that score in 2 months, and I guess I still have to wait one more week to see gre's one.
Well, I guess I just wanted to report I'm done with that.

posted by Paula at 1:08 AM


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Me less tanned than now, but as happy :-)

posted by Paula at 12:14 AM


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I should be sleeping cos I have to get up early tomorrow. I'm leaving to my grandparents', and I'll be taking toefl on sat. I'm optimistic about it, can anyone believe that? Practice tests had went really well, and even if I know practice is not the actual test, I can't do that bad, right?
I don't know if I ever said it, but I got 1080 on gre. Thank God I'm a math teacher. I have no idea how the rest of the ppl that haven't really studied math can make it. I mean, is not that the math is a hard thing to learn, is jut the vocabulary is crazy there. And I know that last sentence probably says nothing to those who haven't faced this test. So i barely pass it, but what can I say? I'm not a native english speaker after all, so I guess from that perspective I didn't do that bad.

And tonight I had a really good talk with Al. he's really great when he's relaxed, and he helps me lots. Ih ope this year I don't need his help that much, but it's good to know and it's specially good to hear some of the things he said tonight. I always try to remind myself of those, but it's just so good to hear them from his lips.

Well, gonna try to get some stuff done. Not more studying thought, cos it's late, and my eyes are kind hurting.

Hope you all have a good weekend.

posted by Paula at 1:36 AM


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It's still so hot, and looks like the hottest days of jan I'll be studying engish. But I'm not complaining this time, I know what I may get if i do well this time.

Things are calm. So I'll go back to english in a few min :-)

posted by Paula at 3:15 PM


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Us. I never worry about anything then. I don't do when I'm that close either. I hate so much beinf this appart.

posted by Paula at 12:06 AM


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My stupid can won't eat the food I bough her. I got the expensive one, but she's so stupid, she won't eat it. I'm trying by starving her, meaning, I'm not giving her other stuff. But she might be a good hunter after all, cos smells the plate and go away.

I hate lies.
Makes me incredibly crazy to think I'm bing lied. i want things clear. I'm always so clear I know ppl think I might be crazy sometimes. Guess it's just about the rest of us not being honest. They can't believe I say and actually do as I think. If I wanna know, I call and I ask.

posted by Paula at 9:59 PM


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And when you think you saw it all... you turn on MTV and discover "Rich Girls".
What the fuck?!
2 (obviously) richg girls. One is Tommy Hil-sth's daughter, and I have no idea who is the other.
I wish my students could take a look, I know I can use THAT as a bad example.

posted by Paula at 8:17 PM


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And I guess I have been so exited about every thing, that I forgot to mention my freiend D left to Spain. This is her first night there. It's probably weird. She went to study there thanks to a scholarship. I wanted it too, but I didn't get it. Right now.. i really think it was for good. I wouldn't have done other things that seem to be working for me :-D
Hope she is successful there :-)

And the other thing I didn't mention, is that I had to go to Bs As to take the test. Maybe that was the hidden reason why I was so nervous the previous day to it. I had to take that trip by myself (like I had't done it before ;-)). Bus, boat, and bus again.
The city is beautiful. HUGE. It seemed to me to be bigged than NY, but I'm sure it was just my preception. It has no tall buildings, maybe that's the reason that makes it appear so big, you can see a vast extention of city from everywhere.
Not only I took the test, I had fun. I had fun doing nothing important, and it was great. I wish Al woud have been with me, I know he would have liked the city too. And I also know i would have had a good time with any friend there, just to take pics of eachother at least :-)

posted by Paula at 11:43 PM


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Last one was kinda shitty, but ende well.
I hd nice parties with my families, and i was actually able to enjoy them, and not watching them like a pic. You kow, like you are out of the fun. it wasn't anything crazy, but it was certaily better than some in the past.
But better: my GRE wasn't a disaster :-D it was actually quite good for me. I did better on practice tests, but don't we all? We are so careless that we do better :-P The thing is I got what I needed, and I'm really happy.
And now I'm back home, with more english in front of me.
But another good things was that Al was so cute to me yesterday. it was cute for all the times maybe he wasn't in the past :-D Made me really happy.
And I wanted to come here and share a little of all that.

posted by Paula at 11:39 PM


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